Friday, August 27, 2004

That Fiscal Crisis Thingie

I hate ranting about things i cant change. But this recent turn of event really pisses me off.

First of all, a group of so-called academics mysteriously come up with a report to the press saying how bad a shape we're in as a country and how to fix it. Next GMA, comes out looking grim and announces we are "In a State of Fiscal Crisis" to the international community.

Absolutely idiotic. She should read The Idiot's Guide to Being Tactful (which i plan to publish soon.)

It's simple really. Which of these is better?

1. My Filipino brethren, today marks a new page in our glorious history. I have called together my team of economists from UP and with our collective intelligence, have come up with a plan to bring us back into the economic juggernaut that we were in the post-WWII era.

We will draw up our top priorities for government and reduce spending on those not in the list. We will also put in death penalty for corrupt officials and actively rosecute tax evaders for a more efficient revenue collection. We will also, most likely, reduce subsidy in our basic utilities and this will lead to higher prices for all basic necessities in the short term. But in turn, we will not implement the new tax schemes so as to help our domestic market increase overall spending and cope with the higher cost of living.

Yes, it will be an uphill climb. And I do not expect that we will realize our gains now. Nor in the next two years. But if we will all resolve to tighten our belts, hang on to our dollars and pray for our nation, I believe that we can again be proud of the great nation that is the Filipino.

Or i swear, we will die trying.

Like, ummm... Argentina.


OR...

2. Good morning Philippines. We are in a state of fiscal crisis. Don't worry we still have 2 years before we all die of bankruptcy, starvation and civil war. And oh yeah... Try to remember: Its not MY fault we're in this shit.


Sigh. It's so simple. Why can't she seem to get it?

In any case, feeding that information to our local media is just asking for trouble.

I can just picture the AM radios airing this particular broadcast:

Press Secretary: And that is what we mean by Fiscal Crisis. Please dont misquote the president

AM Commentator: OMG! Are you telling us we will end up like Argentina???!! THE Argentina that defaulted on its payments? THE Argentina that had a bloody civil war so unlike our EDSA party series???!!
(background music switches to Evita's Dont cry for me Argentina. Uber drama mode)

PS: No, no! When the president says we are in a state of Fiscal Crisis, it purely rhetorical. Actually... There IS NO SUCH THING AS FISCAL CRISIS IN OUR LAWBOOKS.

AM Commentator: OMG! So are you saying... We're totally unprepared for a Fiscal Crisis?! You F$@$@!$@4king bastards in the government! what have you gotten us into now??!

PS: Arent you even listening to me? Its just a SHOCK and AWE approach to the problem so Congress will finally see the urgency and do something. Again it's plain R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C. Just so we can cut government spending.

AM Commentator: Shock and Awe??!! I knew the US was behind this!! It always goes back to them doesnt it? And when you say cut down on spending, you mean that you wont subsidize our gas, electricity and water bills??!! YOU BASTARDS.

PS: (Sighs) ...actually we also use this as the battle cry to enforce good governance and actively seek out tax evaders and corrupt officials.

AM Commentator: Well you should have done that in the first place. You pigs in the government bleed us middle class folks dry while the big fish get away. And I suppose you'll tax us even more now.

PS: Er... i think we will. We will need to increase our revenue collection.

AM Commentator: (Gasps) Did you hear that my dear listeners?! Not only will our prices for food, gas and utilities skyrocket, but GMA has the gall to TAX us even more!!! Thats what we get for electing an economist in our government. At least when we had erap, we didnt know our problems.

PS: ...there is no pleasing you is there?

AM Commentator: Nope. You morons are the cause of all our problems. Why can't you be good upright citizens like us humble AM radio commentators?

PS: ...(dial tone)...

Erap: Ibagsak si GMA!!!


Knowing how excitable the pinoy masa is, especially in the hands of extremist agitators like AM radio commentators, I'm pretty sure we'll have a helluva political turmoil within the next years.

And that's just the pinoy masa. The global economy is even more unforgiving. I mean, when Erap muttered something about "I inherited a bankrupt government", no one took it seriously.

He was a moron. And everyone knew it.

But here comes GMA, proudly proclaiming basically the same thing, except this time she's shoving her economists dipomas down our throats. Guess what'll happen?

I am absolutely furious at this whole inanity. Half of me wishes that this is just a bad dream, the logical and unmerciful half is wishing that we DO get into a real fiscal crisis. The only real way for the pinoy to learn its lessons in good governance is to really hit rock bottom. Until this week, I actually thought we did. But apparently, we can still keep digging.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

eto pah..

Heres a solution for that budget deficit.

Remove the Congress and make those morons plant camote in the rural areas. Mas mabutitun, they can serve our nation better than releasing gas and idiotic statements at the Batasan.

The pork barrel should be scrappppedddddd. For Gawds sake.

Ihostage si Imelda and force her to to release all those deposit (its our f___kng money)

Pegasus

tinamaldita said...

"The Idiot's Guide to Being Tactful"... I know of a LOT of people who would (and SHOULD) benefiot from that book. When it is published and is out in the market, please let me know.

Anonymous said...

i don't know about government officials getting lessons in governance. bureaucracy can induce a lot of perpetual amnesia. share ko lang, i was in this government agency's planning workshop last week and some of those really matrona-looking regional directors were scolding me kasi i handed them really economical pieces of masking tape to post their strategic outputs (while gritting my teeth the whole time at how unoriginal their strategic outputs were).

i told them jokingly, "kasi po ma'am, we're trying to set an example of austerity measure...we're conserving masking tapes para di kami mag-exceed sa budget."

to which they replied, "malaki naman budget nyo para sa workshop na 'to...alangan naman bigyan nyo kami ng maliit na masking tape...eh kung di didikit yan? ano, kami pa hahawak nyan?"

punyemas...kung di lang siya nakakatanda, i would have slapped her.

-sealdi

Jules said...

GMA's rhetoric is the direct result of watching toooooooo many telenovelas!!!!! too much sensationalism if you ask me. Too much hot air and less practical methods to solve the crisis.

angel said...

Sadly, whatever GMA says is not taken seriously simply because she has no credibility. You can always expect her to say something then take it back the next time. How in the world will you believe anyone who only has air for words? weightless. Having a job that has always exposed me to the economic situation, I can say that we have had this coming for so long. Load the government with corrupt officials and citizens who either don't care or has accepted it as a way of life, eventually the system would crash. Should we do an Argentina, you know, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

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