Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Anatomy of a Scam: The Real Story Behind the Faye San Juan Fiasco

While watching the American Idol...

Faye: Mommy! mommy! I wanna be famous! Just like that girl Jasmine Trias.

Mom: (sighs) Just pretend you're an American Idol winner. If you fake it, you'll make it. Just like, uh... William Hung.

Faye: Ok mommy.
__________________

Two days later...

Faye: Mommy! Mommy! Look at me. (dances she-bangs ala William Hung)

Mom: (slaps head) ...sorry to burst your bubble deary. But I think you're really not cut out to sing or dance.

Faye: But mommy! What do I tell the other kids I'm good at?

Mom: Well... for one, tell them you can mentally compute the cube root of any number.

Faye: But they havent taught us what a cube root is.

Mom: Exactly.

__________________
At the church...

Mom: well Faye, show them.

Faye: Ok mommy.

Mom: Faye can mentally compute the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of any number within seconds!

Pastor: Woah! (Keanu Reeves style in the Matrix)

Crowd: Woah! (Keanu Reeves style in The Devil's Advocate)

Mom: Just watch. Faye. What is the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01?

Pastor: My God! Thats a tough one!

Congregation: Quitiplic Anegorbal!! Wwwwooooow...

Faye: (flashes toothy grin) Two hundred... Twelve!

Pastor: (jaw drops to the floor) Woooow!

Congregation: (jaws drop to the floor) Wooow!

Mom: See. She is indeed a national treasure. Do you believe our story now?

Pastor: Do I believe it??!! I'll publish it!

Congregation: Yeah!!! Publish it!!!!

Pastor: ...using the church funds! Hehehe Gotcha!

Congregation: ...damn.
__________________

One week later... in an interview with Patricia Evangelista in their San Juan residence

Pat: Seriously. I tried checking out the International Math Contest for the American Idol Wannabes competition you mentioned. It cant seem to find it in the internet!

Mom: Well, like I said. We beat the Germans and Americans there. Of course they'd censor it. Damn bastards.

Pat: Uh... ok. But can you at least show me the trophy?

Mom: Oh, I left it at home.

Pat: (looks around) But we ARE at your home.

Mom: I mean, our uhh, other home. Right faye?

Faye: Yes mommy. Its with our Tito Boy in Recto.

Pat: Oh I see. Too bad then. Can I see it later?

Faye: Tito Boy said it will be ready by tomorrow.

Mom: Thats enough faye. Why dont you show pretty Patty a demonstration of your mathematical genius?

Pat: Wow! I really would like to see it.

Mom: Ok. Faye, What is the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01?

Pat: Woah! (Keanu Reeves Style in Speed)

Faye: Seven Hundred... Sixteen!

Pat: Wow! She's good! No need for me to see that trophy.

Mom: See. I told you.

Pat: I see. So tell me again how you lost your passport in Australia?

Mom: Wouldn't you believe it? A couple of pinays offered to help us, then robbed us of our passports in broad daylight! You never know who would con you.

Pat: Yeah. Lucky for the rest of us, there are honest people like you.

____________________
The truth unravels... Cathy and Faye's Gig is up

The Worldwide Web... Excerpts from various blogs:

Newspaper Journalist:
There is no International Math Contest for the American Idol Wannabes competition in Australia! She's Lying! It was held in Florida!

Sixth Grade Blogger:
They just taught us cube roots at school. Faye did my homework, and now I flunked math! That bitch is a phony!

Esteemed Anegorbalist:
The Square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01 is FIFTY Seven!!! She is lying!

Pat Evangelista's Blog:
I just found out they have no home in Recto and there is no Tito Boy registered in their geneaological chart! They lied to me!

The Fake Tito Boy's Blog:
I just found out they paid me a fake 500 peso bill for the fake trophy!! That bitch!

Keanu Reeves's Blog:
Woah!
__________________

And thus, through the help of various bloggers around the country, the truth was finally exposed about the great fabricated lie that was Faye, the International Math Champion of the American Idol Wannabes....

33 comments:

de Villa said...

Whats this about?

Is this person real?

JriDDles said...

There is no such thing as quitiplic anegorbal. That bitch is a Scrabble cheater!

--Berto goes whoah!(Keannu Reeves style in Woah!, movie forthcoming)

Anonymous said...

what's the url of pat evangelista's blog?

solo flite said...

De Villa : It was a local urban legend concocted by a deranged mom and her daughter and propagated via a local ministry.

Berto: hehe oo nga :D

Anonymous: Im not sure she even has a blog :)

angel said...

Hahahah! This gave me my first laugh for the day. Hahaha! I give it to you solo, you have a knack for these things.:-D

mari said...

i havent read the full story about the hoax. the nerve of these people! kapal.

Sef said...

Woah!
This is really funny, but I do not want to laugh so hard.

Collin Powell: Whoa, there are no WMDs in Iraq!

Judie said...

This is a total riot. Had fun reading it!

Sedricke said...

hahahahaha! u r one twisted guy, solo. ;)

bebeLabs said...

whoa... hwehehehehehehe!

kat said...

Pat Evangelista wrote a reaction about this in last Friday's Young Star. La lang. ^_^

Adrian said...

that was a really twisted take on the faye story..nyahahaha!

ItsieBitsie said...

I wonder what the Bread of Life Pastor's blog take on this one. they've been conned too. hehe! But seriously, hope we could somehow learn from this story, even if its just a hoax. Here's an interesting article by Conrado de Quiros Mysterious Ways

ItsieBitsie said...

I wonder what the Bread of Life Pastor's blog take on this one. they've been conned too. hehe! But seriously, hope we could somehow learn from this story, even if its just a hoax. Here's an interesting article by Conrado de Quiros Mysterious Ways

Joey said...

You come up with the weirdest yet funniest "social commentaries." Hahahaha. Hope you don't get into trouble for this. ;)

Anonymous said...

hahahaha!!!!

nice...

akira

ennui said...

This is hilarious SoloFlite. Hope you don't mind if I link you up Ü

Jacs said...

bloody brilliant!

Mec said...

when i read the story, i actually couldn't believe it either...

i can believe the government not supporting them
and other pinoys conning them
but... err.. their booth winning a prize? and all those other things associated with their uniform, etc.

howell...

anyway, i guess some people just really got sick of the whole angelo dela cruz story...

Jules said...

wahahaha... good article.. very sarcastic. i like it.

nerie said...

senti mode ako kanina. all the while i thought i was getting depressed then here you go and make me laugh with your riot post... iba ka!

Jac said...

Hahaha! astig! :D

cat-ing-ka said...

hahah! solo i am enjoying your blog so much! keep it up! :)

decor resources said...

Looking for ankle anatomy info for my thesis I came across your post. It is interesting!!

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