While watching the American Idol...
Faye: Mommy! mommy! I wanna be famous! Just like that girl Jasmine Trias.
Mom: (sighs) Just pretend you're an American Idol winner. If you fake it, you'll make it. Just like, uh... William Hung.
Faye: Ok mommy.
Two days later...
Faye: Mommy! Mommy! Look at me. (dances she-bangs ala William Hung)
Mom: (slaps head) ...sorry to burst your bubble deary. But I think you're really not cut out to sing or dance.
Faye: But mommy! What do I tell the other kids I'm good at?
Mom: Well... for one, tell them you can mentally compute the cube root of any number.
Faye: But they havent taught us what a cube root is.
At the church...
Mom: well Faye, show them.
Faye: Ok mommy.
Mom: Faye can mentally compute the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of any number within seconds!
Pastor: Woah! (Keanu Reeves style in the Matrix)
Crowd: Woah! (Keanu Reeves style in The Devil's Advocate)
Mom: Just watch. Faye. What is the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01?
Pastor: My God! Thats a tough one!
Congregation: Quitiplic Anegorbal!! Wwwwooooow...
Faye: (flashes toothy grin) Two hundred... Twelve!
Pastor: (jaw drops to the floor) Woooow!
Congregation: (jaws drop to the floor) Wooow!
Mom: See. She is indeed a national treasure. Do you believe our story now?
Pastor: Do I believe it??!! I'll publish it!
Congregation: Yeah!!! Publish it!!!!
Pastor: ...using the church funds! Hehehe Gotcha!
One week later... in an interview with Patricia Evangelista in their San Juan residence
Pat: Seriously. I tried checking out the International Math Contest for the American Idol Wannabes competition you mentioned. It cant seem to find it in the internet!
Mom: Well, like I said. We beat the Germans and Americans there. Of course they'd censor it. Damn bastards.
Pat: Uh... ok. But can you at least show me the trophy?
Mom: Oh, I left it at home.
Pat: (looks around) But we ARE at your home.
Mom: I mean, our uhh, other home. Right faye?
Faye: Yes mommy. Its with our Tito Boy in Recto.
Pat: Oh I see. Too bad then. Can I see it later?
Faye: Tito Boy said it will be ready by tomorrow.
Mom: Thats enough faye. Why dont you show pretty Patty a demonstration of your mathematical genius?
Pat: Wow! I really would like to see it.
Mom: Ok. Faye, What is the square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01?
Pat: Woah! (Keanu Reeves Style in Speed)
Faye: Seven Hundred... Sixteen!
Pat: Wow! She's good! No need for me to see that trophy.
Mom: See. I told you.
Pat: I see. So tell me again how you lost your passport in Australia?
Mom: Wouldn't you believe it? A couple of pinays offered to help us, then robbed us of our passports in broad daylight! You never know who would con you.
Pat: Yeah. Lucky for the rest of us, there are honest people like you.
The truth unravels... Cathy and Faye's Gig is up
The Worldwide Web... Excerpts from various blogs:
There is no International Math Contest for the American Idol Wannabes competition in Australia! She's Lying! It was held in Florida!
Sixth Grade Blogger:
They just taught us cube roots at school. Faye did my homework, and now I flunked math! That bitch is a phony!
The Square of the cube root of the quitiplic anegorbal of 8,090,003,030,009.01 is FIFTY Seven!!! She is lying!
Pat Evangelista's Blog:
I just found out they have no home in Recto and there is no Tito Boy registered in their geneaological chart! They lied to me!
The Fake Tito Boy's Blog:
I just found out they paid me a fake 500 peso bill for the fake trophy!! That bitch!
Keanu Reeves's Blog:
And thus, through the help of various bloggers around the country, the truth was finally exposed about the great fabricated lie that was Faye, the International Math Champion of the American Idol Wannabes....