Saturday, September 25, 2004

A Break from the Grind

A bloodcurdling scream rocked across the hallways.

"So it begins." The female figure glanced at her watch. Right on schedule. More screams and moans echoed continiously. Ever since The Guy In The Red Suit took over the management of the Inferno, it had really been hard work for all of her fellow demons.

But it was fun.

The Boss was definitely devious. Murphy smiled as she recalled the number of new programs and tortures over the last few years. Why, morale among the denizens of the Inferno was so high that even the demons of Sloth appeared to be working more hours.

She continued on and paused as she went between the fiery pillars symbolizing the entrance to the gargantuan Infernal Torture chamber. How long has it been since she last went here, she wondered? Here, billions of souls got their daily treatment from the sadistically perky demons of torture. Racks, Vises, chinese finger traps and contraptions of every possible kind were here to inflict maximum pain upon the torturees.

"Hey Murphy!" A demon holding a pair of morning stars called out to her. "If you're looking for The Boss, he's near the new area!"

"Be right there!" She shouted back. Damn, she missed doing the torturing. Before her current role as a demon agent, she used to be the most creative of the lot here. Then he came and assigned her to deal with the humans outside of hell.

Her latest missions have been mainly sowing confusion, misfortune and doubt. None of the usual death, pain and suffering. She was getting bored. She missed thinking up tortures... well, there is Him though...

Murphy glanced around. The "new area" was the Boss's experiment. Bored with the medieval ways used since time immemorial, he set up a series of modern torture devices such as electric showers, anal probes and TVs which played reruns of Teletubbies indefinitely.

There was also a new treadmill, Murphy noticed. On it, a poor sap wearing mismatched high heels was trying desperately to jog at full speed. Behind him, just a bit behind the treadmill, was a bespectacled middle-aged man holding a whip and happily flaying away at the tortured soul's back.

"Murphy!" The Guy in the Red Suit called out to her.

"Whos that?" asked Murphy as she approached her boss. Resplendent in Red, he seemed absolutely alive today. Nothing like an optimistic demon thinking up punishments for everyone who deserves em.

"Oh.. thats the ex-President of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos." answered The Boss.

"Hmmm..." Murphy furrowed her brow. "I cant quite get the punishment..."

"I had fun with this one. He gets to jog 10 miles in each of Imelda's shoes..." At this he waves his hand and a vision of thousands of high heels shimmers in front of Murphy.

"Hahaha! I'd bet he's really rueing each day he bought her stilettos right now." The Guy in the Red Suit waves his hand again and the image disappears.

Murphy held back a smirk. She seriously missed being part of infernal affairs. "...and the other guy? He doesnt look like he's part of hell. An honorary demon?"

"No, no. That's Ninoy Aquino."

"The Filipino Hero?! They guy who triggered the EDSA Revolution? What's he doing here?"

"Its something me and the Guy up there thought of actually. We're trying out a new exchange denizen program. Some of his blokes get a few months here to get their sweet revenge on their archnemesis, while some of our guys I send up there to watch at how much fun they're missing. At the end of the program, his folks go back happy, and mine go back more miserable."

"Ingenious..." Murphy whistled. Why hadn't she ever thought of that before?

"Precisely." The Guy In the Red Suit chuckled with glee. "Anyway, I summoned you here because he reminded me of something."

"Which is?"

"The Project"

Murphy repressed a shudder. "Oh... you mean... Him?" Of course he meant HIM. What else had been taking up her time the past few months?

"Yes. How is it going?"

"Er, fine I guess. Can't seem to kill him, so the next best thing is to make life miserable." It would have been more fun IF that angel of his didnt mess her plans every now and then.

"Well, we have a truce from up there." The Guy in the Red Suit looked at her in the eye. "Stay AWAY from him for a week. Give him his birthday off."

"Ah of course. Is it that time of the year already?" Murphy made a mental calculation. "And what do you suppose I do in the meantime? I got like 40% of my time freed up."

Good question, The Guy in the Red Suit thought. "How about some other bloggers? Go check his Blogyard or the ones who just dropped by his site. Yeah. have fun with them."

With that, Murphy smirked from ear to ear and set out on her new mission. She will definitely make sure she haves fun.

END

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, very sinister.

jillsabs said...

if something happens to me, i know who to send my pack of ravenous and deranged rabid dogs for...

Ejay said...

Powtah. Kaya pala ang malas malas ko the past week e. Tsk.

sarah said...

you know, i am second on that bloglist of yours.
i'll have my lawyers send you something through the mail.
=D

Jac said...

Pasalamat ka marami akong angels na nagbabantay sa akin. Try writing about Murphy getting a shot at me and i'll write in my blog about my angels keeping her from it ;)

angel said...

Hahahah! Bravo! engaging post as usual solo.:-D had fun reading it. Is it your birthday soon? Well, advance or belated, whichever fits best.:-)

the NBA Addict said...

so i should be thankful im not there.. hehe

not that i need an angel of disharmony for screwups.. i can do them well on my own :p

Anonymous said...

ang galing!:) <--KRISCO

solo flite said...

Anonymous: for a change :) Spreading kindness and goodwill is getting a bit too.. well, boring...

jill: Er. my address is 911 rusticaville drive, baguio city. Pls send your dogs there. They will be loved :)

Ejay: Hehehe :D Bumabalik na nga sa dati e

Sarah: Er... I'll put it on top then :D

Jac: hehe will remember that :D

Angel: Thanks! Belated na though :)

NBA Addict: Oo nga noh... ill add ya up :)

Kris: Tnx pre. hehe

JP said...

is that the reason why the archers lost over the weekend? because of you, i have to report for 'work' on thursday.

Anonymous said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

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