Thursday, October 21, 2004

In Defense of the Typical Male: Chapter I

Throughout my life as a Typical Male (as some man-haters would call me), there has been but one evil in the world that has made my spine chill faster than liquid nitrogen.

Nope, its not an oncoming car thats seconds away from slamming into me. Nope its not a rampaging horde of howling, drooling, rabid dogs running towards me. And nope, not even a knife-wielding mugger that tried to swing at me.

The scariest scariest thing imaginable is to piss off a a woman who has PMS written all over her.

PMS is a combination of physical and emotional symptoms that occurs premenstrually and is absent the rest of the menstrual cycle, severe enough to significantly interfere with work or home activities. --- Random Google Search

In other words: It is what turns the nicest most docile ladies into the most evil slandering murderous bitches you ever known.

And woe to us males because no girl is immune to this effect.


Which brings me to the question...

What then is the male version of PMS?

Testosterone, my dear Watson. Testosterone.

This is the hormone that makes us connect to our bloodthirsty barbaric past. This allows us to transform from mild-mannered reporters to death-defying supermen. It can cause us to twist our neck at every hint of cleavage, cause us to bring out our full wrath on every idiotic driver on the highway or reduce brain activity to a standstill whenever a beautiful girl blows us a kiss.

It makes us aggressive, irrational and deviously scheming human beings.

Yes. Testosterone is the male PMS. No doubt about it.

Except maybe for the headaches. These we create artificially by getting stupidly drunk on friday and saturday nights. But then Testosterone is almost always involved in these sessions...

So there.

Women have PMS every month. We have it every day of our lives.

If we take time to understand their PMS-related hellfire every so often each month, it is only fair that they forgive our every little testosterone-induced misdemeanour every day :)


Poppycock said...

if there is anything of yours that could equal our suffering of our periods, then, probably.

de Villa said...

ohhh Solo's skating on thin ice here boys and girls.

Personally I just shut up and turn around when a girl is pissed off including my fiancee.

Its also never wise to use that to win an argument

Mec said...

i dunno... guys only seem PMS-y to me when i know they're not getting any...

so I guess it's true, when their testosterone levels are raging and they're unable to find an outlet... or feel too proud to self-gratify...

there you have it, a moody, b!tchy, crabby guy on the loose...

then again... once a libidinal guy is able to find release, he's a happy man already

a woman will feel better however, after days of shopping, man-hating, sex, chocolates, cakes, spa and other pampering eklats... and after the period that comes after PMS... and maybe not even then because her body would be adjusting yet again and fighting for some form of equilibrium inside her :D


Anonymous said...

bring buckets of ice wherever you go, solo. it can cool off your head. which, er, whatever.

--margarita holmes

JriDDles said...

male pms actually offers some health benefits, follow the rabbit:


Anonymous said...

i don't know whether this post is an excuse or some sort of defense with regards to our comment on PMS. women have certain amounts of testosterone in their hormones too, the way men have amounts of estrogen in their bodies. those amounts are supposed to balance the hormones.

however, in your attempts to come up to an excuse as to why men get drunk...i don't think it's hormonal. it's more socio-cultural. for a society that is patriarchal in more ways than one...your entry got me laughing so hard. our society has much to contribute this hormonal disbalance. don't you think the manifestations of gender biases contribute as much to why a lot of women get PMSy at all time?

sigh. men. so gullible at times. nyahahahahahahaha.

-sealdi, bitchy even when not PMSy

banzai cat said...

Hehehe I suppose I should warn you that you've been put on the hit list of the Evil Cult of PMS and their female ninja death squads. ;)

the NBA Addict said...

OOOH, someone unintentionally opened a can of worms!

or maybe they just have pms as they post their comments? just kidding guys :)

mades said...

lol. this is just too funny.

you are SO not making testosterone as a scapegoat for god knows what. are you saying that just coz we complain about stomach aches and unleash hell once a month coz of UNBELIEVABLE pain coupled with annoyance of the mundane that we should excuse you for ignoring the humanity in you (remember when we all get a brain from god to make decisions?) and unleash the wild beast when you're within nearsight of a short skirt or a plunging cleavage? are you saying that pain equals orgasm?

let's have this talk when some kind of technology arrives that can make MEN GIVE BIRTH FOR THEIR WIVES.

Then maybe we can shut up about the PMS thing.

roanne said...

Oh, well. a sordid idea on PMS.

maybe it's somewhat overrated. PMS is more likely known as the crampy and cranky side effects.

i'm quite oblivious if this entails a woman's noggin to synchronize lambasting, ravenous thoughts from its usual soft-specked, happy-go-lucky delirum.

oh well, i'm a woman, and if my guy friends were concerned, we'd probably end up picking a fight-slash-debate-on-who's-got-the-autonomy. shucks, i always flunk the art of polemics?!

dropping by :)

Life said...

Read my post...


Oh what have I done?

ajie said...

hmmm... the topic is much like Obsessive Compulsiveness. A LOT of people think they are OC when they are simply peculiar and eccentric.
And believe me, a women's PMS and true OCness is something you would NOT want to touch.

Rache said...

okay, i'm not gonna add myself to the list of your female attackers (you got enough of them already!) even if i really would have been pissed and i really would have felt compelled to argue with you if not for the fact that this (your entry + the male and female comments) is way amusing. the entire idea is indeed, in your own words, so "typical male" thinking. oh, i just can't bring myself to take it seriously.

but just some advice from a concerned blogger to another, learn to choose your battles soloflite. the other people weren't kidding when they said you opened a can of worms with this one. there is clearly no end to a male vs. female argument like this. and so i think that if you can't offer a new positive perpsective on such a "divisive issue," you better not pursue it.

and just for the record, you have no idea how painful PMS can be. and you'll never understand until you experience it. so i guess you'll never understand...

peace out man!

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