Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Merrily I Go Along

Once in a while you just wake up, look around and suddenly feel like everythings just so wrong. Its a weird feeling--slowly tugging at your soul telling you that somehow you dont belong here in this world. That somehow you're acting out some else's life. Living out someone else's dream.

You realize that this time its not a question of whether the cup is half full or empty anymore. Its whether you heed life's writing on the wall or take up the challenge and pick up the gauntlet that the same hand threw down after writing.

Its like walking around lost, confused and alone, looking back from time to time wondering if the lesser-trod path was really the right choice. That maybe, just maybe, there might have been another lane you could have taken. That maybe the last crossroad you just ran by could've taken you to a better place.

Once in a while you just wake up, look around and realize that you never really did live your dream. That you failed to save the world from the evils you swore against, or screwed up in making the difference that would have been your legacy.

That you're living your life not as you really want to. Not swimming against the deadly currents or even braving the stormy weather. Just staying afloat and paddling enough to survive.

That somehow nothing no longer stokes the flames that were once burning fiercely in your belly. Nothing no longer puts the gleam back in your eyes. That somehow, this nothingness that you feel has finally replaced the fullness of life you once had.

Once in a while you just wake up and realize that you no longer have a dream. You wake up and realize that you're living no life, fighting for no crusade, dying for no cause.
Come to think of it, theres not even a torch to pass on, nor an apprentice to continue the craft. You got the world on your shoulders, not knowing if you can even put it down. Was life really meant to be like this? You start to doubt that maybe, just maybe, this life you chose wasn't the one you were supposed to live.
And yet, despite this, you go on: Not caring whether you live or die, whether you win or lose. Not caring if you're going where you ought to go, no matter bleak or gloomy. No matter how lonely. Dispassionately, you try to find out what life has in store for you and throw everything into looking for a dream that you think you ought to have.

Once in a while you just wake up from your dreamless state. And sigh.
Its really all about the money.

Monday, January 03, 2005

A Schizophrenic New Year

Finally its over between me and the bitch.

Its been a helluva relationship: ups, downs, ups, and even more downs.

It started off great, all fired up and raring to go. The passion, the love, the excitement... everything was there. Then something happened.

The fun was soon replaced awkward situations and uncomfortable silences. The laughter died down. The love I had started to taper off... But I couldnt let go.

Well, last week it was finally over. 2004 just left my life with a whimper.

Yeah baby, Goodbye 2004!!!

Im glad to count you as an ex. Luckily, I found another year to replace you.


Ebeneezer Grinch

Dearest Friend/Inaanak/Relative/Other Recipients,

In this season's spirit of giving, I have decided to donate your gift to the Typhoon Yoyong Victims of Real, Quezon.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

--Your loving Ninong/friend/relative/overall-good guy, Soloflite

PS: Dont cry. They need my used clothes more than you do.


Soloflite, Male Gigolo

Im a person you can count on to keep my promises.
Well, at least most of the time.

A couple of years ago, my Grandfather made me promise to give him a grandchild before he died. Well, last month he did. And guess who ended up inadvertently going back on his word?

What? Me? kids? No thanks. Soloflite, Demented Babymaker and Patriarch Supreme doesnt quite sound right.

Too bad my gramps died earlier than expected though. I always planned on taking a wife and raising a family... but not, take note- this is important, not until I fully enjoyed my singlehood.

I mean, how many people do I know knocked up a waif when they were barely in their 20s and ended up marrying the poor girl and throwing away the rest of their lives supporting little drooling impish monsters, taking flak from firebreathing inlaws and worst of all, finding out that the "girl of their dreams" can become such a nasty nagging overweight hag?

Nope. Definitely not the life for me. I will postpone that nightmare for as long as possible.

Whereas girls have this biological timeclock slowly ticking away to remind them to get married before 28 or they risk losing the chance to have a baby, men like me are reminded again and again (by fellow men) that even at 40 we'd still be great-looking bastions of virility.

So while I'm happily frolicking with my single lifestyle at 35, some desperate, good-looking nubile 25-year old vixen will be craving for someone to father her baby.

Then, maybe, just maybe, I'll start thinking about having a family.



I finally realized it. I cant pace myself: I either go full throttle or slow down to a complete stop. There IS no leisurely drive for me. There is no jogging, no relaxing swim. Im like a hummingbird: either constantly animated, or perpetually bored at how slow the world turns around me.

Theres something significantly important here... I'll think about it over the year.