Sunday, May 07, 2006

The Al-Qaedan Conspiracies - Chapter I

First posted in Jan, 2005. Im reposting this as Chapter 2 is coming out VERY soon ;)

Osama Bin Ladin: Welcome Soloflite. I praise Allah that you came to my summons.

SoloFlite: Tell me again why I'm here.

Osama: I have watched your earlier interview with Saddam Hussein, Soloflite. I believe only someone as twistedly demented as you will be able to fully comprehend the information I am sharing with you.

Solo: What exactly do you have to tell me Osama?

Osama: I have evidence showing that Bush is now heading a group of fanatical overly-zealous christian crusaders who are hell bent on terrorizing the muslim world.

Solo: That's probably his cell group, Osama. Christian cells are like little prayer groups that read the bible together and worship in private. I dont think they'd hurt muslims.

Osama: I also have cell groups, Solo. I know what cells can do. Im actually very proud of them.

Solo: Theres a difference between bible-study and terrorist cells.

Osama: Anyway, I have reason to believe that George Bush and his terrorist network have plans to eradicate the whole muslim populace.

Solo: Nah. You're watching too many movies, Osama. I mean, what kind of person would declare war on half a continent, destroy their economic foundations and basically threaten to blow their civilization to smithereens just because their way of life is different from... OH. WAIT.

Osama: Yes. George bush clearly fits the role.

Solo: Thats not what I meant.

Osama: We of the Al Qaeda have uncovered a plan to destroy half the muslim populace in the world.

Solo: ??? Go on.

Osama: The first stage was to test out a new uber-powerful nuclear device that can wipe out an area in minutes. The first prototype could flatten a whole city without being detected by conventional means. This was apparently done already. With great success.

Solo: Done already?? With great success??! When?

Osama: Yes. Remember the earthquake that devastated Iran's Bam City last year?

Solo: Yes. Around 30,000 iranians died there. But that was a natural disaster.

Osama: Im afraid not, Solo. That was the first prototype.

Solo: ....??!

Osama: Phase two was another test for their upgraded bomb. And it was done at the same time in december last year.

Solo: Another earthquake? But the only earthquake of significance in December after Christmas was...

Osama: In Indonesia. The Muslim country of Indonesia, if I might add. That is the latest version of their doomsday device. An underwater-based explosion that would trigger a Tsunami of powerful force.

Solo: ....

Osama: Apparently, they made a mistake on the location of the epicenter. Instead of flattening the whole Indonesian Archipelago, it only affected the outermost coasts and the neighboring countries of Malaysia and Sri Lanka.

Solo: But still... why would he attack Indonesia instead of the Middle East directly?

Osama: You know how terrorists operate, Solo. This is a warning signal to the Muslim world. Besides, my friends in JI are based there. Plus, the date of both events are signficant.

Solo: December 26?

Osama: Yes. It is my eighth wife's firstborn's cousin's birthday. Bush is telling the world he knows everything about me.

Solo: I still find this a bit incredulous.

Osama: If you think about it, why else would the US give such a paltry sum to help in the rehabilitation of Indonesia?

Solo: ...good question. Because it takes days of careful study before they could release an amount that big?

Osama: No! Of course not! Its because they DONT WANT TO. THESE ARE MUSLIMS, my friend. And thats what its all about.

Solo: So when did you learn of this again?

Osama: Back in 2000. I had to act quickly once I learned of the full scale of his plans. That is why I launched what you would call a pre-emptive strike.

Solo: Pre-emptive strike? You dont mean...

Osama: Yes. September 11.

---to be continued---