Monday, August 30, 2004
The bartender asked the lone angel sipping wine on the bar. MegaPixiel was the Archangel guardian of the Entertainment world. Aeons ago, he handled the Roman Coliseums, the Olympics and every festival known to Man. Now, in the modern world, the great ArchAngel and his flight of angels stood watch over the whole of the entertainment world - movies, sportscasts, sitcoms and standup comedies. Philippine politics though, was not in his area of responsibility.
Having access to the biggest entertainment network in the universe. he was also the most obvious choice as the proprietor of the Divine Watering Hole, THE CLOUD NINE. (Angels need to loosen up too.) As with most great hosts, Megapixiel loved to go bartending in his free time as well.
The angel pondered over the audible ticks that were getting more noticable by the minute and downed his remaining wine in a single gulp. "I have to go my friend. HE..." Xero spoke this word with a bit of disdain in his mouth. "...is in trouble."
"And what makes you say that?" Megapixiel asked curiously. The denizens of the divine planes all had specific jobs for the One Most High. This Xero perplexed him most of all. Its very unusual that an angel gets dedicated to just one being. And ironically, he looked the most stressed among the angels.
"I put a danger-sensing charm on him before i had my break. It alerts me whenever he's in trouble. Basically, the faster the ticks are..." Xero paused. The ticks WERE getting faster. "...the closer he is to danger."
"Xero, as a friend and as a senior Arch Angel, I tell you to just take it easy. This human can fend for himself in the one day you're away." Megapixiel chuckled softly. These kids. They take these guardian roles a bit too seriously. "What can he possibly be doing to warrant a divine act just to save his skin?
Xero closed his eyes and envisioned his ward. He was in a sea of blue... loud voices... fearsome battle cries... banging drums... a war...
"He's watching the Ateneo-LaSalle game." Xero said solemnly. He wasnt feeling a bit too well. Maybe he should get another glass of wine.
"...i dont see the problem. Here. Let's see." Megapixiel waved his hand. Immediately a 500' flat panel came before the two angels. Images swirled within- The earth, Asia, The Philippines, Manila... and finally the Araneta Coliseum. And then on the being known as Soloflite.
In the middle of the Ateneo bleachers.
"I have to go Megapixiel!!! He is definitely in deep shit!" Xero said panicking. "And he's wearing GREEN!!!"
The older angel squinted. "I dont think its that Bad. I'll make the crowd oblivious to him. Relax, he's in my domain."
"Sir, may I point out that he's even got GREEN WARPAINT!!!"
"...er, a bit tough, but i can handle it..." Megapixiel looks into the screen. "See? He's playing along with the crowd... he's even got a 'Blue Eagle' and waving it around..."
Xero sighs a bit. Yes, he WAS waving this big Blue Eagle toy. At least he had tact. But why was the charm acting as if it were a timebomb? The ticks were now spaced only milliseconds apart...
"...Why? What can possibly be wrong?" Xero looks closely at the image and suddenly bolts upright and unspread his wings. "Now I really gotta go!"
"Why?!" Megapixel exclaimed. "He's blending quite fine the way i see it!"
"The eagle..." Xero gasped as he prepared for flight... "...has got an arrow stuck in its chest!!!" With that the angel blitzes out of the Cloud Nine.
Megapixiel is left looking at the now-empty barstool, shaking his head. Now he knew what the younger angel was going through...
"Godspeed my friend. La Salle will win in a few seconds..."
to be continued...
I bought and read Dante's Inferno this weekend.
First, I didnt know it was a poem.
I hate poems.
Next, i realized that by the 50th page, I still wasnt laughing.
It definitely wasn't the least bit funny.
Well, Dante. You just inspired me to show you what a Divine Comedy really is.
Friday, August 27, 2004
First of all, a group of so-called academics mysteriously come up with a report to the press saying how bad a shape we're in as a country and how to fix it. Next GMA, comes out looking grim and announces we are "In a State of Fiscal Crisis" to the international community.
Absolutely idiotic. She should read The Idiot's Guide to Being Tactful (which i plan to publish soon.)
It's simple really. Which of these is better?
1. My Filipino brethren, today marks a new page in our glorious history. I have called together my team of economists from UP and with our collective intelligence, have come up with a plan to bring us back into the economic juggernaut that we were in the post-WWII era.
We will draw up our top priorities for government and reduce spending on those not in the list. We will also put in death penalty for corrupt officials and actively rosecute tax evaders for a more efficient revenue collection. We will also, most likely, reduce subsidy in our basic utilities and this will lead to higher prices for all basic necessities in the short term. But in turn, we will not implement the new tax schemes so as to help our domestic market increase overall spending and cope with the higher cost of living.
Yes, it will be an uphill climb. And I do not expect that we will realize our gains now. Nor in the next two years. But if we will all resolve to tighten our belts, hang on to our dollars and pray for our nation, I believe that we can again be proud of the great nation that is the Filipino.
Or i swear, we will die trying.
Like, ummm... Argentina.
2. Good morning Philippines. We are in a state of fiscal crisis. Don't worry we still have 2 years before we all die of bankruptcy, starvation and civil war. And oh yeah... Try to remember: Its not MY fault we're in this shit.
Sigh. It's so simple. Why can't she seem to get it?
In any case, feeding that information to our local media is just asking for trouble.
I can just picture the AM radios airing this particular broadcast:
Press Secretary: And that is what we mean by Fiscal Crisis. Please dont misquote the president
AM Commentator: OMG! Are you telling us we will end up like Argentina???!! THE Argentina that defaulted on its payments? THE Argentina that had a bloody civil war so unlike our EDSA party series???!!
(background music switches to Evita's Dont cry for me Argentina. Uber drama mode)
PS: No, no! When the president says we are in a state of Fiscal Crisis, it purely rhetorical. Actually... There IS NO SUCH THING AS FISCAL CRISIS IN OUR LAWBOOKS.
AM Commentator: OMG! So are you saying... We're totally unprepared for a Fiscal Crisis?! You F$@$@!$@4king bastards in the government! what have you gotten us into now??!
PS: Arent you even listening to me? Its just a SHOCK and AWE approach to the problem so Congress will finally see the urgency and do something. Again it's plain R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C. Just so we can cut government spending.
AM Commentator: Shock and Awe??!! I knew the US was behind this!! It always goes back to them doesnt it? And when you say cut down on spending, you mean that you wont subsidize our gas, electricity and water bills??!! YOU BASTARDS.
PS: (Sighs) ...actually we also use this as the battle cry to enforce good governance and actively seek out tax evaders and corrupt officials.
AM Commentator: Well you should have done that in the first place. You pigs in the government bleed us middle class folks dry while the big fish get away. And I suppose you'll tax us even more now.
PS: Er... i think we will. We will need to increase our revenue collection.
AM Commentator: (Gasps) Did you hear that my dear listeners?! Not only will our prices for food, gas and utilities skyrocket, but GMA has the gall to TAX us even more!!! Thats what we get for electing an economist in our government. At least when we had erap, we didnt know our problems.
PS: ...there is no pleasing you is there?
AM Commentator: Nope. You morons are the cause of all our problems. Why can't you be good upright citizens like us humble AM radio commentators?
PS: ...(dial tone)...
Erap: Ibagsak si GMA!!!
Knowing how excitable the pinoy masa is, especially in the hands of extremist agitators like AM radio commentators, I'm pretty sure we'll have a helluva political turmoil within the next years.
And that's just the pinoy masa. The global economy is even more unforgiving. I mean, when Erap muttered something about "I inherited a bankrupt government", no one took it seriously.
He was a moron. And everyone knew it.
But here comes GMA, proudly proclaiming basically the same thing, except this time she's shoving her economists dipomas down our throats. Guess what'll happen?
I am absolutely furious at this whole inanity. Half of me wishes that this is just a bad dream, the logical and unmerciful half is wishing that we DO get into a real fiscal crisis. The only real way for the pinoy to learn its lessons in good governance is to really hit rock bottom. Until this week, I actually thought we did. But apparently, we can still keep digging.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
stormed into the room.
A soft chuckle emanated from the large desk at far end of the room. "Dont tell me you're already giving up?" replied a calm voice. "I thought you were already decided on getting this... promotion? "
Xero paused just enough to catch a glimpse at the speaker. As usual, he was sitting in his oversized chair with his back against him. The boss always knows everthing. Comes with the job i guess, Xero thought to himself. Building up courage once more, he approached the desk.
"Yes I am. I do want the promotion." Xero took another step closer. His eminence's very presence never ceased to calm him. Of course, he was never mad to begin with. Here in this room, lay an eternal peace. This was the Ark of Heaven, the chamber of the One.
"You question my wisdom then?" spoke the Lord.
"Of course not your holiness! I am but confused as to how ensuring the safety of this mortal is supposed to make me Archangel my lord. Are there no other tasks you wish me to do? Gabriel had it easy."
"To each his own my son. Time will show you my plans. So how has it been?"
"Terrible my lord. at least for me. ever since you told me to protect every single hair on his head from harm. Everything he seems to do turns out to be a disaster! And lord, I get nothing in return. No thanks, not even any acknowledgement everytime i save his butt from certain doom..." Xero was getting ecstatic.
"...Why only last week, he posted to the world how things always go wrong at the worst possible moments. He blames it all on someone called Murphy. Is that my counterpart down there?" He emphasized the last word slowly. Xero always suspected that there was something much more to guarding the human than met the eye.
"Maybe." Another chuckle. The Lord was definitely enjoying this game. Mental note: Ask Lucifer how HIS demon is faring. "And my restrictions? Remember, you should be very discreet."
"Yes your holiness. No blatantly changing of the physical laws. No witnesses on any divine acts. Though i do admit, that last misadventure of his was really a stumper"
"Ah yes, I remember that." Chuckle. "Busting out his tire at the last moment so that he wont get into that 6-vehicle-collision... And a year before that, quite an ingenieous way of clearing out C5 before his car spun out of control at 100Kph." A long pause. "Xero, the Archangel of Creativity. It has a nice ring to it doesnt it?"
Xero squirmed at this last bit of undeserved praise. Now for the bad news. "I think he's onto me, my liege."
"And why do you think that?"
"He fancies himself ... invincible."
Exciting too. Xero sighed. Very exciting.
"He is scared of nothing now. He is reckless, suicidal, doesnt give a damn about his health AND keeps taunting enraged Ateneans about their sucky team... My lord! I cant just keep causing the bad guys to slip on banana peels! I cant continue possessing perfect strangers to catch him when he falls or push him away from falling hollowblocks! I dont even want to keep messing around with the natural order of life... My Lord, he is going to ABUSE ME!!!"
"You should be happy Xero. I give you the free hand to do what you want. this is much much more exciting than simply delivering messages to virgins or slaying firstborn Egyptians."
"Please dont make me go thru this my lord! Even angels have their limits!" cried Xero in exasperation. The limit was VERY close indeed.
"You can walk away any time you know. Just think about it." the Lord said with finality. "But remember, this is your trial by fire."
To be continued...
What will happen to Xero, Guardian Angel of the being known as SoloFlite? Will he achieve the reknowned title of Archangel? Or will he leave Soloflite alone in his adventures? Tune in next week for the continuation in...
...The Angel Xero vs the Demon Murphyeous!
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
The Evil Dr Flite-Enstein has finally brought the Demented blog back from the dead-- complete with Igor's picks in the demented blogyard (sort of). Still unsatisfied, Dr Flite-enstein continues with his nefarious experiments to include...
THE MINI BLOG (see it just under the Sidebar's DEMENTED BLOGGERS section)
I shall call you... "Mini-blog"
But Father, I dont want to be a mini-blog.
Why not? You'll have all the little quips i think of, all of my quotable quotes, those idiotic booboos, oneliners, joke wannabes and other stuff i'd think of in the near future....
Why can't the Demented Blog do that? I mean, he's big, bad and downright tactless... He'll do ANYTHING!!!
Well... Actually, Im too lazy to incorporate these things into the REAL posts.
Oh, so I get it. I'm not a REAL blog then?
You bet you're not! Cause your not quite bloggy enough. Your semi-bloggy, your quasi-bloggy, your the margarine of blogspot, your the diet coke of blogspot, just one calorie, not "bloggy" enough! Get it?!
AND THUS WAS BORN THE NEWEST BLOG IN THE DR. FLITE-ENSTEIN'S DEMENTED FAMILY
Sunday, August 22, 2004
But again, our usual 2nd half composure and our atrocious freethrow shooting almost made us lose probably the only game where a team led Ateneo by a high of 33 points.
We cracked up in the 3rd quarter yet again, and almost died down in the 4th.
Cardona, usually the biggest white elephant in Ateneo games finally broke loose with his defensive arch-nemesis Fonacier out for the rest of the season. Almost unstoppable, he ended with 24 points (11/15 FG), 9 rebounds and godknowshowmany trashtalk quips.
Again, it was lucky that Ateneo didnt have its usual endgame lucky breaks. They really gave us ONE BIG FIGHT.
All in all, it was an ugly win.
But we'll take it.
A double digit win, is still a double digit win.
In any case...
ATENEO LOST!!!!! Mwahahahhahaha!!!
Oh how the mighty have fallen!!!! Our sucky team actually beat you?! And Tambak Pa??!
Im sorry, another tactless ejaculation. Im in a state of orgasmic bliss today.
what I meant was:
In other news, the Blue Eagles were not the only avians that got sniped today.
The other birdbrained team to take a plunge were the Falcons who got massacred by the UP Fighting Maroons. (BTW- what the hell are Maroons supposed to be anyway??!)
Kudos to UP for sweeping their last 4 games. They might very well be the dark horse this season. They have 4 games left: NU, Ateneo, FEU and DLSU. If they defeat NU and either Ateneo and FEU, they have a fighting chance for a slot at the Final Four.
So is it birdhunting season already?
Someone shot down my messenger pigeon tonight as well. Just great.
In any case, here's the message. Hope it reaches you..
My Dearest Chinee,
Im sorry. It was really One Big Fight your team put up with today, but im glad that the better school finally won.
By now the other teams know that the secret to winning against Ateneo is shackling LA the same way the Pumaren brothers did in the last UE win and in most of this afternoon's game. I foresee more losses for Ateneo this season.
PS - Fear not, If you ever need a shoulder to cry on...
Friday, August 20, 2004
Angel in particular, wrote a great commentary about procrastination and why nothing ever gets done in the office.
The next day, she's swimming neck-deep in work-related crap.
Art, another blogger reviewed Collateral in his blog.
His next post was about his shitty cashflow.
I had it the worst of all.
I wrote about Murphy's Law.
Early this week I pulled out of our driveway on my way to work.As i was turning the first corner of the day, something went into my eye.
Normally, I would stop, take it out of my eye continue with my life.
But not that day. Oh noooo. I just HAD to do something different.
So I took a quick look at the sidestreet, and seeing absolutely NOTHING in sight, I poked a finger beneath my glasses and rubbed my right eye.
Did I mention that when I do that, the other eye would unconsiously close too?
So I was there blinking for a couple of seconds while i was slowly rolling by.
Then I looked up and saw a car in front of me.
Apparently, one of the gates in the sidestreet houses opened up and the car just slid out. And with me blind for TWO F*Cking seconds, I saw just in time how something moving at 10km/hr could still smash the trunk of a backing car...
Definitely not the way to bump into your neighbor for the first time.
The next day, using the same car, I was happily driving through JP rizal...when suddenly, I heard a loud "POP!" and just spun outta control.
Apparently some asshole left a bent nail in the middle of the road. And it totally totalled my tire.
So there I was changing tires at 8:30 am, wearing a longsleeved shirt, a tie and slippers...
and at the peak of COLOR CODING in the most MMDA infested area of Makati
Damn scary. Fun, but scary.
Lucky I still didnt get caught for color coding.
Guess what my email was when i got to the office?
I'm afraid you've fallen victim to a bug in our system which occasionally loses template data for some users. Your posts are still safe, but unfortunately we were not able to recover your template for you. To use one of our default templates, you can click the Choose New Template tab on the Template page.
This will let you publish your blog again while you recreate your old template. We apologize for the inconvenience and we are working on getting this problem fixed. However, it is always a good idea to save your own copy of a template if you make extensive customizations.
There you go. This blogger dying on you and producing nothing but the grey page of death happens OCCASSIONALLY to SOME users... What are the chances?
More work for you Igor...
The night before yesterday...
I was staying late and had to print an urgent set of documents for a proposal.
It was there that i realized that printer in our 4th floor ran outta ink.
With no helpdesk around, and with no one from the administrative team to help me out, I took matters into my own hands.
I went down another floor to use their printer.
This one worked.
For a time.
Then it ran outta paper.
Let me rephrase that: It ran out of SHORT bond paper.
Beside the printer was stacks and stacks of Long, A4, Legal and godknowswhat papersize.
Apparently, somebody up there didnt hear me correctly.
So off I go, scouring the floor for more SHORT bond paper. Somehow theres a shortage of that size. Frankly, I dont know how our supplies person fixes this logistic thingie.
What? Does she think that we can just cut up the paper from long to shor...
I immediately banish the idiotic thoughts...
...after i realized there werent any cutters within reach
So I go back up the 4th floor, open up the printer with no ink,get the damn paper from it, go back down another floor and shove it in the original printer.
And does it print?
But i printed the wrong document.
Getting home tonight, I got caught in a slight drizzle which caused a slight flashflood near my house. As i parked on the sidewalk, the slight flashflood apparently created a slight pool shallow enough to step on...
...but deep enough to fully submerge a foot.
Oh and did i mention i bought new shoes?
The blogging God loves me.
I feel like I'm so close to the blogging God by now, that Im having visions of the future...
So, checking out some of the more recent entries, i find:
Sarah will snag herself a gullible Ukrainian... OR will have another Maternal misadventure
Angel will become MALE. Then she'll wish she was a girl again
D! will have a HOT date soon. Then get bored because of his chiseled body
Orbit's next pizza will be delivered by WonderWoman or some other bikinied babe... causing him to forget that he has a hundred peso discount.
Gen will gow and lern abawt bawling and Bisaya samtaym.
Mads will know why HK is the best place to shop... but still wont go there
Tessa will open up a third eye and see for herself the real secrets of her hangouts
Deslite's gonna have Santa Clause as her next visitor. The elves will also TAG along.
Zane will be getting good looks at sexy bodies. Ige? Ige!!
Ariane will find her three previous cellphones. In Dapitan.
Maan will find it in her heart to forgive her thesismates. After she disposes of their bodies.
Kwene will realize that being a Korean Popstar does not necessarily guarantee great secs
JC will start blogging every day. He will also learn of the secrets of sideblogging and teach them to me.
Mud will complete his "Baguio Scandal" series. And it will be mass produced in Quiapo, causing his digicam to sue him on the grounds of seducing a minor.
Jac will have siopao for lunch. And will be the new target of the Kitty Mafia
Dude will realize that new laptops (connecting to certain sites) are the main cause of eye twitching
Sassy will become the biggest boob expert in the legal world.
Jennie will snag her callcenter opportunity. But get the dayshift.
Juslitos will realize to his dismay that wasabi and sex dont really mix
And oh yeah... Berto's Blue Eagles are gonna get shot down this sunday :)
All Blog-willing of course.
Blog Bless :)
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Welcome to the centerstage of teamwork and perfection
Where strength, stamina and agility of the present is pitted against the giants of the past
Where nation goes against nation, and man against fellow man
Where each minute,is like and hour, each second like a minute, each breath like eternity
Where the bar is set another notch, and the records set to be broken
Where heroes fall, but new ones rise to take their place
This is the Olympics. The greatest tournament in the world. ____________________________
I was curious how we fared over the past years.
So I ran a search through google on how many medals we had.
Apparently, until now we havent had a single gold.
What we have though is:
2 silvers and 3 bronzes in Boxing
2 bronzes in Swimming
1 bronze each in High Jump and Hurdles
So traditionally, the pinoys have an edge in boxing and swimming.
What is it with us pinoys?
I could understand why we're so good with swimming.
We need that skill everytime the rainy season starts.
And yes, we do love to practice stroking breasts...er breast stroking... er the breast stroke a lot.
But besides swimming, its either a bar game like billiards (where we focus all our energy on whacking an inanimate object)...
...or it HAS to have something to do with beating up opponents to a pulp.
This year, we joined Boxing, Taekwondo, Archery and Swimming.
We'd probably have joined Knife-fighting too if it was allowed...
Yeah, our Batangueno cousins would really love that game
Its because we Filipinos fear nothing
We look death in the eye and laugh.
I saw a sign in Edsa this week: "Bawal Tumawid. Nakamamatay"
(translated as: Do Not Cross. You Can Die)
It was obviously ignored.
Or maybe we just join it because the games are just too biased against us pinoys.
I mean, if WE would dictate the games that would be played, I doubt any foreigner would get more than a silver.
Let's see them beat a true blue pinoy in ambidextrous textathon or EDSA-style patintero
Well, i just read the news.
The swimmers are sunk and the boxers look a bit short......
but we still have our hopes up for two categories.
We're looking good in the Taekwondo department, and Jasmine Figueroa just pulled a helluv'an upset.
Way to go Archers!!!!
er... archer :) Wrong game hehe
Anyway, we still have a shot at that elusive gold. Will we finally get our hands on one?
Monday, August 16, 2004
"Success Igor, success!!! The world will look upon my Genius and weep!!!"
"They said it was impossible. They said it cannot be done... But I, I the great Dr. Flite-enstein have done it... I have recreated the blog from the dead!!!"
"Mwahahahaha!!! Nothing can destroy this blog!!! Not a random deleted post, not a corrupted template, not even demented hackers or a crash from blogspot.... NOthing!!! It has come back better and badder than before!"
"But... the links section Mahhster!!!!"
"...does this mean i have to go and find more brains for your blog mahsterr?"
Where does Igor plan on picking bloggers brains? Will Dr Flite-enstein finish his evil experiment? What will happen to the Demented Blog?
To be continued...
Having your blog dying on you for some unknown reason is a bad thing. Im fixing up the links section AGAIN. The comments section is below. You know the drill ;)
btw- Since I was updating the template anyway... I added a top picks section. Appreciate any comments on this.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
And after getting home, viewing the last 6 minutes of that FEU massacre, I drove to Makati Cinema Square to burn more money on DVD.
Makati Cinema Square (MCS) has a TON of new DVD offerings this week. From great classics (Alfred Hitchcock, Akira Kurosawa...etc) to Anime (Cowboy Bebop, Bubblegum Crisis, Hellsing, X, Gungrave...etc) to your normal hollywood flicks our friendly neighborhood piracy advocates have it all. And all for 80 bucks each.
My celebrity sighting for today was Maritoni Fernandez in the DVD mecca. Ironically, this famous movie actress was clutching a bag of pirated DVDs as she passed me by.
Which is fine with me.
The more pirated movies we buy, the less money the movie industry makes, and the less clowns we put in the government.
Im glad the local showbiz industry realizes this :)
While actively hunting for some prized finds, I found myself softly chuckling as the person in front of me bought a copy of the "Best of French Erotica" and "The Passion" by Mel Gibson.
Some people just cant seem to make up their minds.
Among the stuff i bought from MCS are:
Grave* of the Fireflies (Angel/Sarah: This better be good! )
City of God (another movie great)
Rashomon (Akira Kurosawa samurai flick)
Azumi (Cover: Sexy Jap chick. Short Skirt. Big katana. Dead bodies. Nuff said.)
BubbleGum Crisis (Anime Chickflick series)
Kill Bill 2 (Missed this in the theaters)
Van Helsing (This too)
Kagemusha (I never heard of this, but i just HAD to get it since it was directed by Akira Kurosawa AND produced by none other than George Lucas AND Francis Ford Coppola)
Damn. My next problem is finding time to view all of these within the next few weeks.
Luckily, this weekend depleted my gimmick funds to the point of ensuring I'll be going home earlier the next couple of days...
*yup. it was very GOOD :D Thanks to conrad for pointing out the earlier error
Is it something wrong with the system? Is it some sort of interplayer rivalry? Or just a string of bad luck for the boys?
70-58. WTF is that?!!
This has got to be FEU's most dominant game ever since they massacred the Eagles in both games of last year's finals. Arwind santos was just happily swatting away any DLSU attempts in the inside, while their guards Miranda and Rizada made sure the Archers committed a helluva lot of turnovers.
Sigh. I only saw the last 6 minutes (i think we were down by 12 that time), but that was enough for me to see that the Archers have completely lost their championship form... Wonder if we'll still reach the finals. Guess Franz is gonna go soon.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Highly touted guard LA Tenorio, who was second in the Most Valuable Player (MVP) race after the first round with 62.43 statistical points, soaked up in his worst performance as a Blue Eagle, as he failed to score a single point in 30 minutes. He managed to haul down eight rebounds and six assists but had six errors and shot a wretched 0-of-5 from the field.
Sorry bout that LA. If its any consolation, I'll send you a copy of my previous post :)
Just my luck.
The one Ateneo game I didn't see, was the best one so far.
Tonight, all I could really think about was the Ateneo-UE game this afternoon. Im a bit high on alcohol, but I'll try to be tactful with my bloggy exclamations...
ATENEO LOST!!!!!!! Mwahahhahahaha!!!!
So sorry, I forgot there are Atenean readers here... what I really meant was...
Kudos to the UE Red Warriors for finally beating the crap out of the Ateneans and ending their tyrranical 7-0 Run!!!
...Hmmm.... that didnt come out right either... Ahem...
Congratulations to a Pumaren for finally bringing down the Blue Eagles!!!!
Arrgghh... tactless yet again... I'll get it right this time... Promise...
That was really ONE BIG FIGHT this afternoon!!! Hope we have more of those this season!!! :)
There... Nice and Tactful :) Have a great day everyone!!! :)
Monday, August 09, 2004
You have a big date tonight with the girl of your dreams. For the past few days, you've spent most of your time and energy in trying to make it the perfect one. You've checked and double-checked your reservations at the classiest joint in town. Likewise, your best suit is just fresh from the cleaners, your new sports car in tip-top shape and you just acquired a bouquet of the most expensive flowers money can buy. All that there is left is to meet your date. What can possibly go wrong?
Well, something does. Because after you drop by the florist, some student driver runs his car into yours and messes up the whole front end of your Porsche. And thats just the start of it. You find yourself in a streetfight with the biggest student driver you've ever seen and within
the next few seconds, your best suit gets totaled, your nose broken, and your face slammed against your car's windshield. You squeal like a girl as he pummels you senseless, after which he leaves laughing. By this time, it's too late to go back.
When you pick up your date, she takes one good look at your flowers and she announces her allergy to them. Your heart rips in two as she quickly flings them out of the car. You quickly explain your appearance and she laughs in obvious disbelief even as you enter the cafe.
Here the maitre d' stops you and sadly informs you that you do not have any reservations. You check his listings and find that the guy who booked you spelled your name wrong. And Mr. Wrong is already sitting in your place.
Hastily, you look at the goddess beside you and explain what happened. Luckily, there is an empty table and she talks the maitre d' into letting you have it. With your head down in shame, you move towards it.
After your meal, you realize you lost your wallet in the fight. You stammer about this to your date who suddenly glowers at you. She reaches for her purse, throws a wad of bills at your, slaps your stupefied face and screams "I never want to see you again!!" at the top of her lungs, all to the enjoyment of nearby onlookers. As she leaves you, you realize that the nearby onlookers are your next of kin.
What the hell went wrong?
Congratulations. You have just had a first-hand experience of Murphy's Law. Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will. And at the worst possible moment. This is a law that probably explains more about the way the world runs than Einstein's best works. Actually, there has been a whole science dedicated to this: Murphology.
Capt Edward A. Murphy, a prominent engineer in post-World War US Air Force, to whom Murphy's Law is formally attributed to, originally coined it as "If there are two or more ways of doing something and one of them will lead to catastrophe, then someone will do it." He declared the above statement when, during a study concerning the effects of rapid deceleration on pilots, he noticed that all vital equipment had been wired incorrectly in one of the experiments. At
a later press conference, his observation was presented as a working assumption in safety-critical engineering.
Years later, on October 1977, Arthur Block , in his book, Murphy's LAw and other Reasons why Things Go Wrong, revealed to the world the existence of a previously undocumented body of theory which he called Murphology. Murphology deals with breaking down Murphy's Law into specific daily life. He compiled a series of Murphy's Law-type phrases, most of which were contributed by ordinary people, in his book. Here are some of the best excerpts most applicable to DLSU Life.
DLSU Ala Murphy
The Extended Murphy's Law:
Glyme's Formula For Success:
Laws of class scheduling:
Laws of Applied terror:
book you didnt read.
200 pages on planaria
that instructor's class.
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters
you dont want to be seen with.
he's in need.
The Last Law:
scientifically proven (by Murphologists of course). However, unlike scientific laws, Murphy's Laws are not cause and effect driven.
In science we are always taught in terms of post hoc. In Murphology, this is not always the case. For example, if you drive through the highway with the intention of hitting a bug, the first one will not always hit the windshield in the space between your eyes. Noe would you be more sure of your answers if you study any less.
The Girl Theorem
Color Coding Paradox
Corollary:After writing this article, you will find out that there has already been one done before and in the one issue of your favorite magazine that you did not read this year.
When possessed with the sudden urge to make your literary masterpiece, your writing skills will desert you... but not enough NOT to have a blog entry
Corollary: When you want to have a great blog entry, all you can come up with is a one-liner, a song excerpt, a stupid "I am a...." quiz or one of your previous works which no-one ever read.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Not blogging for a weekend has made me irritable, sarcastic and strangely philosophical.
Think it's time for a rehab?
One big fight. That's ateneo's cheer. Win or lose, at least they fought a good clean fight. Life's like that right?
Well, im not from Ateneo. A win is a win.
When i was a kid, the school bully did his usual routine and picked me out for a fight. He was strutting around with his posse and set his sights on li'l young me.
Bully: Ano? Kakakasa ka? Sapakan na! (What? Are you up to it? Let's slug it out!)
Me: Er... sorry, im not a fighter. Im a comedian.
Bully: (laughs and looks at his posse) Comedian daw o!! Hahahaha!! Pare, ano yung comedian? (Hahahaha he said he's a comedian? Dude, whats a comedian?)
That was when he looked back at me just in time to see my balled fist hitting his face. I think i broke his nose that day, and i went home with a black eye, but at least I learned one of my first lessons in life.
Life is not fair.
There will always be people bigger, strong, faster, smarter, more influencial and even better looking than you. And they will pick a fight with you sometimes. When that happens, always remember to play fair.
Of course, for me, a fistfight with a six-foot guy can only be called fair after i kick him in the groin and he buckles down to my level so we can see eye to eye.
Anyway, back to life and fairness-- I can't understand people who continually rant at how unfair life is for them. We all have the power to change the game, to make it fairer for us than for anyone else.
You hate traffic? Wake up early. Go to work earlier.
You hate your lovelife? Do your part. And leave if it isnt reciprocated. (Yes. easier said than done)
You hate your boss? Make yourself invaluable. Then bitch about him to someone in management who can help.
You hate your job? Make yourself invaluable. Then apply in another company.
You hate your career? Work on something else on the side. Then switch.
You hate your sucky non-existent lovelife? Try something different (exercise, groom better, maybe try braces or something etc). Then go out and do the moves.
The problem with our society these days, is that theres too much griping and too little doing. It's always, "Why cant i be like..." or "If i were only born...". Or they dont whine, but just go to the second part of the solution without going through the required actions first. And then they bitch about bad luck.
Well, that's life. We are born naked, shivering, hungry and someone slaps our butt.
Then it gets worse.
Its a bitch. Its unfair. We may get trod upon, beaten up or crash down to earth, maybe because we're not strong, smart, goodlooking or influential enough. But it's a game we ultimately have to win.
So let's just do our parts, play fair and not foul out. But make sure we do our best to make it in our favor.
First LaSalle lost again in the endgame, to UE this time. Yeo just F$@#!king choked. He had an impeccable penetration game (Was it 6/6 field goals?) and just started shooting blanks FROM THE OUTSIDE! I mean, just stick with the drives Yeo. At least if you miss you at least get to fish for fouls. Leave the Three's to JV and TY. That goes for you too MacMac.
Second, kudos to the Ateneo team for their 7th win in a row. Sige na, ndi na chamba. LA just exploded with 26 points, scoring relentlessly from all angles and hammering down the final nail in FEU's coffin with the most cold-blooded three point shot i've ever seen him make. Helluva ballgame.
And oh yeah, UP won its first game sometime in between these two matches.
I know our team sucks, but then again, all the other teams suck too. There is NO real superstar this year. No one's really a hands-down, kick-ass dominant player in any position. And with that everything just boils down to who wants to win more. Does that mean our team doesnt want to win that much?
Sigh. Should I still hope for another DLSU-ADMU Championship this year? The Archers just screw up in the final minutes... I really dont know why i keep watching.
*Little Voice Inside My head: CHINEE!*
Er... okay. so I know why I keep watching. But I dont have to like it.
*Little Voice Inside My head: CHINEE!*
Okay so maybe I'll like watching.
Animo LaSalle !!!
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Saddamn in Manila
Soloflite: Good evening everyone, for my pilot show, i am very glad to have with me today, none other than certified bad-guy, the ex-President of Iraq and central figure in the Axis of Evil... Mr Saddamnnnnn Hussein!!!
Saddamn: *Walks to solo and shakes his hand* I am so honored to be in your show Soloflite, I really admire your work. *sits down*
SF: Thanks Saddamn. I must say, it has been a long time since you've been here in the philippines. How long has it been? I even saw you with Imelda in that video of hers.
SH: That was FIDEL CASTRO. Im Saddamn Hussein.
SF: Im sorry, i keep confusing my evil bushily-mustached dictators. Anyway, here have some coffee.
SH: Thanks Soloflite. Yes it has really been a while since i've been to your beautiful country. You really have a lot of beautiful bitches here.
SF: BEACHes, Saddamn. Theres a difference. This is primetime, my friend.
SH: Of course, of course. The bEAChes. I like those too.
SF: So how have you been? I never expected you to be back here. Especially since you were languishing in some top-secret, ultra-high security Alcatraz in the States where George bush swore you'll never crawl out of.
SH: Oh, you know me. Apparently my people in Iraq are clamoring for my safe return and have nobly resisted the infidel American invaders. George has seen the light and I am going back home. And since the Filipinos and Iraqis have always showed love for each other, he sent me here to Manila while I prepare for my return to power in Iraq.
SF: Ri-ight. *eyebrow raised*
SH: Yes. And while I'm here i also plan on going to your new National Hero, Angelo dela Cruz to personally offer my apologies for his mistreatment at the hands of my loyalists. I'll make sure he gets offered another driving assignment to Iraq anytime he wants.
*Saddamn sips coffee.
SH: As I was saying... Why was I in a US prison? If the US hated me enough from the start to invade my own country, massacre my entire family, my elite guard and half my hometown AND dig me up from that little crypt i hid myself in... Do you really think they'd give me a fair trial?
SF: Er... they did take you alive right? You're innocent until proven guilty.
SH: They made me pee in my pants! Infidels! *takes another sip from coffee* This is good coffee Soloflite.
SF: Yes. Barako, Batangas' Pride. Go on.
SH: Where was I... Oh yes... So Mr Koffi Annan of the UN visits me one day and tells me that they decided to keep me off George's hands. So Koffi goes like "Okay Saddamn, we're moving you to a country of your choice. Just as long as we agree to it. And no, not Iran or North Korea."
SF: Ahhhh... the plot thickens. So why manila? Let me guess... I suppose it had to be the ONLY country that was committed to the war on terror... but opposed to the occupation of Iraq. Right?
SH: Right. That's what I told Koffi, so he agreed. *another sip of coffee* Actually, I asked to be sent to Manila because i heard that even that idiot Al Ghozi was able to escape Manila's most hi-tech prison!! Hahahaha those morons in your PNP are really stupid!
SF: Well, its not totally our fault Saddamn. Even maximum-security sentries have to sleep sometime.
SH: ...in any case, my next plan of action while i'm here, is that my last remaining half-brother Goddamn Hussein will take his Filipino maid hostage and threaten to rape her senseless and chop off her head with a breadknife if your spineless president doesn't release me from prison.
SF: Er.. I think thats enough coffee for you Saddamn.
SH: Yes, yes. I see it now. *finishes the last of the coffee* Then after the maid, Goddamn will get my personal AK-47, point it at my personal 'boy' and threaten to shove it up his butt and sodomize him in front of the international community unless GMA does an ocho-ocho in front of the UN council. That'll be fun. *Gulps down the remaining coffee* Ahh... You're good Soloflite, i never told anyone else this stuff...
SF: *pretends to look out* Is that Kris?! Oh, I think we have to go now Saddamn... the next host is up.
SH: And after she does the Ocho Ocho... *looks at the empty cup* Hmmm... Got anymore coffee? Hey, whats that?
*Armed guards show up and bodily take Saddamn from the stage*
SF: I guess thats it for tonight folks...
The Directress: Thats it. Next time we serve starbucks instead OK?
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
I mean, do something deliberately crazy, or else i will go nuts.
And i need to do it soon. Its has been...
....over two years since I took up Windsurfing (and still not learning how to swim)...
....three years since ditching the technical life, moving into marketing and getting thisclose to being sued by a rival company...
...four years since taking a leap into the unknown and finding my current employer...
....five years since leaving my post as feature writer and joining a literary contest for a segment i knew nothing about...
...six years since impulsively getting a one-way ticket to baguio in the hopes of meeting up friends in a vacation house i didnt even have the address of and obviously getting hopelessly lost in the process...
...seven years since making my favorite male teachers dance "Im a barbie girl" for a school activity i was heading.
...eight years since going against the flow, ditching UP and choosing DLSU where a significant segment of my life began..
...and even longer since highschool where crazy stuff happened everyday.
Yup. Definitely time to do something insanely fun. Conducive to sanity you know ;)
Monday, August 02, 2004
But then again, I look better in glasses, and after Tobey Maguire's Spiderman success, we glasses-toting Geeks are back in the vogue.
Verdict? The glasses are staying.
Speaking of geekiness, I was able to get hold of a pirated (i think the politically correct term is Originality Challenged?) copy of Akira Kurosawa's legendary groundbreaking film, Seven Samurai over the weekend. I have been looking for a copy of this film since i first heard of it back in highschool. Luckily for me, there are a number of copies available in Makati Cinema Square.
I watched it this saturday, and until now, I am still in awe.
Shot in black and white and in 1954 (this is not a typo), it was the film that inspired great filmmakers like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.
In a nutshell, the three hour (yes! I made the mistake of watching it at 11pm) Seven Samurai is an epic tale of a poor village repeatedly looted by bandits who one day decide to take a stand. They turn to a samurai (Kambei) willing to help their cause for only three square meals a day, who in turn realizes that he needs to recruit six other battle-ready warriors to properly defend the village. Thus, a quest begins to complete the Seven Samurai, and to ultimately defeat the evil bandits.
Its not a very straightforward tale. Behind the main quest, each of the seven samurai have their own personal reasons for joining, ranging from simple respect for Kambei, to an adventure of a lifetime, a personal quest for perfection, a noble desire to help, to even making a statement to the world. Whatever their reasons, Kurosawa gives us very deep views on both the samurai's and the farmers' philosophy and attitude towards life, war and adversity.
Lacking CGI, "bullet-time", scantily clad voluptous women and other modern film staples, Seven Samurai more than makes up for it in REAL action, REAL acting, great character development, great drama, hilarious comedy and very ingenious shoots. It gives us a very deep look into Japanese society and culture, a sense of awe at the giants of the past and reminds us what real movies should be made of.
Definitely a damned good movie. Probably even the GREATEST movie in Japanese history.
Lastly on the topic of nerdiness...
Mensa will be holding a qualifying session on Saturday , 21 August 2004 at the Private Room, OAKWOOD Premier, Glorietta 4, Ayala Center, Makati. The qualifier is a culture-fair test of the type that is often referred to as "abstract reasoning". It does not test for math or language skills. While there is no strict time-limit, most people will finish in an hour or two. You may register and START your test anytime between9:00 A.M. and 3 P.M.
Back to our regular programming :)