Sunday, October 31, 2004

The House of Flying Tigers ....(and Hidden Dragons)

After trying valiantly to write a coherent, grammatically correct and stylishly flowing essay, I now submit to my natural tendency to just blabber incoherently. (Yeah, this first sentence should warn you enough. Writers Block still has a helluva grasp on me.)

______________________

The past few years saw a lot of trends in hollywood filmmaking. But the most recent is probably the return of the sequels. Most, if not all the new films are either modern day remakes of old movies, spin-offs of great movies or sequels and prequels to successful movies.

What's to expect for next year? I mean, with this trend in moviemaking, are we to assume that they are out of ideas? WHAT IF they did get desperate enough to try crazy ideas?

In any case... Here's some of mine:

__________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 1:

The most successful film in history deserves nothing more than a sequel. Or maybe in this case, a prequel.

Leo Di Caprio will star in the prequel to the multi-award winning Titanic. It will chronicle his misadventures as the dashing young rascal who painted rivers and spat on naked young french girls.
___________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 2:

Tom Cruise will return once more as the katana-wielding Nathan Aldrin in the sequel to his oriental-inspired masterpiece in...


"The Last Samurai.
Promise."
___________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 3:

Matt Damon will return in a love-story spin-off of his popular super-spy blockbusters in...

"Bourne for You"

*Thanks to PJ for the idea
__________________

Crazy hollywood Idea # 4:

Anne Hathaway turns online in the newest installment of her royal series in...

"The Princess Blogs"
__________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 5:

Tired of the usual spy flicks, they'll try out a little Asian twist inspired by The Tuxedo. Only this time, they'll use American Idol Celebrity Will Hung in the spy flick (title to be annouced) as the debonaire secret agent happily banging away with his big gun...

His trademark tagline with the women (delivered in a cassanova James Bond Fashion) will be
"I'm Hung. Well Hung."
__________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 6:

Inspired by Reality-based television and the success of films such as Supersize Me, the producers of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy will have the Fab Five in a homophobic thriller where they try to do popular TV host Joe Rogan against his will.

The title? QUEER FACTOR
___________________

Crazy Hollywood Idea # 7:

Again, inspired by Supersize Me, Fastfood Giants McDonalds and Burger King strike back using Danny DeVito and Mini-Me's comedic antics in...

"Would you rather be Undersized?"
___________________

Ah well. Thats one reason im not in showbiz :)

40 comments:

rhapsody said...

Ha ha ha.... That's a really funny entry... I love twisted humor like that. Have you seen the sequel to Alladin? It's called Return of Jafar. You know it's a stretch when the stupid bird side kick of jafar gets a FULL song of his own... Who cares...

Imagine the Sixth Sense sequel... Bruce Willis discovers (through the help of a puberty struck Haley) that at the end of the movie, he actually in fact is NOT dead... it'll be called

"Common Sense"

Sedricke said...

this is one hilarious entry! i like those sequels, esp the last samurai's. hehe!

stumbled upon here through hopping. link kita. ;)

R. O. said...

hahaha

Anonymous said...

and it seems the trend is being tested on Philippine shores, thanks to Mother Lily.

Remember the story about the Chinese family (the cheating husband, the cat-fighting wives, etc.)? It was the same storyline used for Mano Po 1 and 2... and, guess what, I think they're using it again for Part 3.

If a Part 4 comes out, I suggest they call it "Mano Pa".


-mud-

Via (Manila) said...

"Ganda ng Lolo Mo" just cracked Noel and me up!!!

Sassy Lawyer said...

As always, I come here and I get gas pains. hahaha

My favorite has to be #5. hahahaha

Robert Ludlum's wrote three Bourne novels, actually. The third is The Bourne Ultimatum. As sequels go, the second was better than the third, as the first was better than the second.

Tanya said...

Ok this post is just hilarious! I might just have an idea for my short film. hahaha! :-p love this post! keep em coming.

Jac said...

Haha! Cheapquels...

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