the blogger known as Soloflite

A couple of blogger friends of mine Cat and Denise were on the air recently, in a local radio talk show. While they talked about blogging, bloggers, blogaholia, and shamelessly plugged their sites (and forgot about poor little old me), it got me thinking -

Why Exactly do I blog?

It's actually been on my mind for the longest time. I once wrote a post about why I blog , but squeezing out my brain cells out of its creative juices is just part of the reason. Now that Im thinking about it, I guess there are a lot of other hidden motives out there.

Some bloggers have certain ideas about why I blog worth mentioning. Shiksagoddess said im just damn Narcissistic. Sealdi told me I was Schizophrenic. Everyone else tells me im simply crazy.

Not true of course.
Its a complicated kind of crazy.

I once told Sarah that I blog not for money, not for fame but for the simple reason that I have been so repressed as a writer that I wanted an avenue to practice my real writing. For money and fame later on of course.

I shared to Joy that I write impulsively, hacking away at the keyboard on every little idea that comes into mind, slowly forming a coherent post in notepad long before my brain can keep up. It is a unknown urge, this thing which drives me to write. Sometimes it hits me when im buzzed, half asleep or even drunk, but always, always finds a way to get the post done. And thus, the brain has no choice but to follow what the body demands.

Another Joy (yes, there are a lot of joys in blogging) , was surprised at how defensive I was when she called my blog an online diary. Again, It's NOT A DIARY. It's a web LOG. Theres a difference.

So what is it then?

What is this blog if I dont post about my lovelife? Or my social life? Or even the nature of my work? Heck, I don't even let out my last name here.

Maybe the chat with Denise cleared it up: Blogging just lets me give in to that most basic of human needs, A need to reaffirm your existence. An irresistable urge to express yourself and to share your thoughts to the world. And more imporantly, without impunity.

Thus I seek to express myself in ways I cannot in my life as a lowly mortal.

In real life, I am but one of the billions of humans who walked in this planet, flawed, obscure and forever compared to the giants of Jose Rizal, Leonardo Da Vinci or Miyamoto Musashi. I could probably never be as rich as Bill Gates, or as famous as Tom Cruise. I could probably never be as smart as Einstein or as damn goodlooking as David Beckham. In real life, I am but one small person. I am but still insignificant.

But in my blog, it is different. In my blog, I happily bastardize Saddam Hussein to his face, make a mockery of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo or even change the idiocities of the present . In my blog, angels and demons watch over me, Love is but an answer away, and Death is but a dream. My blog is my own world and in this world, I am God.

But then again, even God craves attention.

If eyes are the windows to the soul, Blogs are surely at least peepholes. Thru my blog, I share the pictures that make me smile, and joke about the tiny little mishap that could have killed me long before. I talk about the misadventures or inanities in my past which looking back, have shaped me in what I have become. I cry in frustration at the haplessness of things that have been done or raise my fist to the promise of the future. Because for some unknown, inexplicable way, I need to bare my soul.

This is why I must blog.