"What's that ticking sound Xero?"
The bartender asked the lone angel sipping wine on the bar. MegaPixiel was the Archangel guardian of the Entertainment world. Aeons ago, he handled the Roman Coliseums, the Olympics and every festival known to Man. Now, in the modern world, the great ArchAngel and his flight of angels stood watch over the whole of the entertainment world - movies, sportscasts, sitcoms and standup comedies. Philippine politics though, was not in his area of responsibility.
Having access to the biggest entertainment network in the universe. he was also the most obvious choice as the proprietor of the Divine Watering Hole, THE CLOUD NINE. (Angels need to loosen up too.) As with most great hosts, Megapixiel loved to go bartending in his free time as well.
The angel pondered over the audible ticks that were getting more noticable by the minute and downed his remaining wine in a single gulp. "I have to go my friend. HE..." Xero spoke this word with a bit of disdain in his mouth. "...is in trouble."
"And what makes you say that?" Megapixiel asked curiously. The denizens of the divine planes all had specific jobs for the One Most High. This Xero perplexed him most of all. Its very unusual that an angel gets dedicated to just one being. And ironically, he looked the most stressed among the angels.
"I put a danger-sensing charm on him before i had my break. It alerts me whenever he's in trouble. Basically, the faster the ticks are..." Xero paused. The ticks WERE getting faster. "...the closer he is to danger."
"Xero, as a friend and as a senior Arch Angel, I tell you to just take it easy. This human can fend for himself in the one day you're away." Megapixiel chuckled softly. These kids. They take these guardian roles a bit too seriously. "What can he possibly be doing to warrant a divine act just to save his skin?
Xero closed his eyes and envisioned his ward. He was in a sea of blue... loud voices... fearsome battle cries... banging drums... a war...
Xero knew.
"He's watching the Ateneo-LaSalle game." Xero said solemnly. He wasnt feeling a bit too well. Maybe he should get another glass of wine.
"...i dont see the problem. Here. Let's see." Megapixiel waved his hand. Immediately a 500' flat panel came before the two angels. Images swirled within- The earth, Asia, The Philippines, Manila... and finally the Araneta Coliseum. And then on the being known as Soloflite.
In the middle of the Ateneo bleachers.
"I have to go Megapixiel!!! He is definitely in deep shit!" Xero said panicking. "And he's wearing GREEN!!!"
The older angel squinted. "I dont think its that Bad. I'll make the crowd oblivious to him. Relax, he's in my domain."
"Sir, may I point out that he's even got GREEN WARPAINT!!!"
"...er, a bit tough, but i can handle it..." Megapixiel looks into the screen. "See? He's playing along with the crowd... he's even got a 'Blue Eagle' and waving it around..."
Xero sighs a bit. Yes, he WAS waving this big Blue Eagle toy. At least he had tact. But why was the charm acting as if it were a timebomb? The ticks were now spaced only milliseconds apart...
"...Why? What can possibly be wrong?" Xero looks closely at the image and suddenly bolts upright and unspread his wings. "Now I really gotta go!"
"Why?!" Megapixel exclaimed. "He's blending quite fine the way i see it!"
"The eagle..." Xero gasped as he prepared for flight... "...has got an arrow stuck in its chest!!!" With that the angel blitzes out of the Cloud Nine.
Megapixiel is left looking at the now-empty barstool, shaking his head. Now he knew what the younger angel was going through...
"Godspeed my friend. La Salle will win in a few seconds..."
to be continued...
______________________
Side Notes:
I bought and read Dante's Inferno this weekend.
First, I didnt know it was a poem.
I hate poems.
Next, i realized that by the 50th page, I still wasnt laughing.
It definitely wasn't the least bit funny.
Well, Dante. You just inspired me to show you what a Divine Comedy really is.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
That Fiscal Crisis Thingie
I hate ranting about things i cant change. But this recent turn of event really pisses me off.
First of all, a group of so-called academics mysteriously come up with a report to the press saying how bad a shape we're in as a country and how to fix it. Next GMA, comes out looking grim and announces we are "In a State of Fiscal Crisis" to the international community.
Absolutely idiotic. She should read The Idiot's Guide to Being Tactful (which i plan to publish soon.)
It's simple really. Which of these is better?
OR...
Sigh. It's so simple. Why can't she seem to get it?
In any case, feeding that information to our local media is just asking for trouble.
I can just picture the AM radios airing this particular broadcast:
Press Secretary: And that is what we mean by Fiscal Crisis. Please dont misquote the president
AM Commentator: OMG! Are you telling us we will end up like Argentina???!! THE Argentina that defaulted on its payments? THE Argentina that had a bloody civil war so unlike our EDSA party series???!!
(background music switches to Evita's Dont cry for me Argentina. Uber drama mode)
PS: No, no! When the president says we are in a state of Fiscal Crisis, it purely rhetorical. Actually... There IS NO SUCH THING AS FISCAL CRISIS IN OUR LAWBOOKS.
AM Commentator: OMG! So are you saying... We're totally unprepared for a Fiscal Crisis?! You F$@$@!$@4king bastards in the government! what have you gotten us into now??!
PS: Arent you even listening to me? Its just a SHOCK and AWE approach to the problem so Congress will finally see the urgency and do something. Again it's plain R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C. Just so we can cut government spending.
AM Commentator: Shock and Awe??!! I knew the US was behind this!! It always goes back to them doesnt it? And when you say cut down on spending, you mean that you wont subsidize our gas, electricity and water bills??!! YOU BASTARDS.
PS: (Sighs) ...actually we also use this as the battle cry to enforce good governance and actively seek out tax evaders and corrupt officials.
AM Commentator: Well you should have done that in the first place. You pigs in the government bleed us middle class folks dry while the big fish get away. And I suppose you'll tax us even more now.
PS: Er... i think we will. We will need to increase our revenue collection.
AM Commentator: (Gasps) Did you hear that my dear listeners?! Not only will our prices for food, gas and utilities skyrocket, but GMA has the gall to TAX us even more!!! Thats what we get for electing an economist in our government. At least when we had erap, we didnt know our problems.
PS: ...there is no pleasing you is there?
AM Commentator: Nope. You morons are the cause of all our problems. Why can't you be good upright citizens like us humble AM radio commentators?
PS: ...(dial tone)...
Erap: Ibagsak si GMA!!!
Knowing how excitable the pinoy masa is, especially in the hands of extremist agitators like AM radio commentators, I'm pretty sure we'll have a helluva political turmoil within the next years.
And that's just the pinoy masa. The global economy is even more unforgiving. I mean, when Erap muttered something about "I inherited a bankrupt government", no one took it seriously.
He was a moron. And everyone knew it.
But here comes GMA, proudly proclaiming basically the same thing, except this time she's shoving her economists dipomas down our throats. Guess what'll happen?
I am absolutely furious at this whole inanity. Half of me wishes that this is just a bad dream, the logical and unmerciful half is wishing that we DO get into a real fiscal crisis. The only real way for the pinoy to learn its lessons in good governance is to really hit rock bottom. Until this week, I actually thought we did. But apparently, we can still keep digging.
First of all, a group of so-called academics mysteriously come up with a report to the press saying how bad a shape we're in as a country and how to fix it. Next GMA, comes out looking grim and announces we are "In a State of Fiscal Crisis" to the international community.
Absolutely idiotic. She should read The Idiot's Guide to Being Tactful (which i plan to publish soon.)
It's simple really. Which of these is better?
1. My Filipino brethren, today marks a new page in our glorious history. I have called together my team of economists from UP and with our collective intelligence, have come up with a plan to bring us back into the economic juggernaut that we were in the post-WWII era.
We will draw up our top priorities for government and reduce spending on those not in the list. We will also put in death penalty for corrupt officials and actively rosecute tax evaders for a more efficient revenue collection. We will also, most likely, reduce subsidy in our basic utilities and this will lead to higher prices for all basic necessities in the short term. But in turn, we will not implement the new tax schemes so as to help our domestic market increase overall spending and cope with the higher cost of living.
Yes, it will be an uphill climb. And I do not expect that we will realize our gains now. Nor in the next two years. But if we will all resolve to tighten our belts, hang on to our dollars and pray for our nation, I believe that we can again be proud of the great nation that is the Filipino.
Or i swear, we will die trying.Like, ummm... Argentina.
OR...
2. Good morning Philippines. We are in a state of fiscal crisis. Don't worry we still have 2 years before we all die of bankruptcy, starvation and civil war. And oh yeah... Try to remember: Its not MY fault we're in this shit.
Sigh. It's so simple. Why can't she seem to get it?
In any case, feeding that information to our local media is just asking for trouble.
I can just picture the AM radios airing this particular broadcast:
Press Secretary: And that is what we mean by Fiscal Crisis. Please dont misquote the president
AM Commentator: OMG! Are you telling us we will end up like Argentina???!! THE Argentina that defaulted on its payments? THE Argentina that had a bloody civil war so unlike our EDSA party series???!!
(background music switches to Evita's Dont cry for me Argentina. Uber drama mode)
PS: No, no! When the president says we are in a state of Fiscal Crisis, it purely rhetorical. Actually... There IS NO SUCH THING AS FISCAL CRISIS IN OUR LAWBOOKS.
AM Commentator: OMG! So are you saying... We're totally unprepared for a Fiscal Crisis?! You F$@$@!$@4king bastards in the government! what have you gotten us into now??!
PS: Arent you even listening to me? Its just a SHOCK and AWE approach to the problem so Congress will finally see the urgency and do something. Again it's plain R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C. Just so we can cut government spending.
AM Commentator: Shock and Awe??!! I knew the US was behind this!! It always goes back to them doesnt it? And when you say cut down on spending, you mean that you wont subsidize our gas, electricity and water bills??!! YOU BASTARDS.
PS: (Sighs) ...actually we also use this as the battle cry to enforce good governance and actively seek out tax evaders and corrupt officials.
AM Commentator: Well you should have done that in the first place. You pigs in the government bleed us middle class folks dry while the big fish get away. And I suppose you'll tax us even more now.
PS: Er... i think we will. We will need to increase our revenue collection.
AM Commentator: (Gasps) Did you hear that my dear listeners?! Not only will our prices for food, gas and utilities skyrocket, but GMA has the gall to TAX us even more!!! Thats what we get for electing an economist in our government. At least when we had erap, we didnt know our problems.
PS: ...there is no pleasing you is there?
AM Commentator: Nope. You morons are the cause of all our problems. Why can't you be good upright citizens like us humble AM radio commentators?
PS: ...(dial tone)...
Erap: Ibagsak si GMA!!!
Knowing how excitable the pinoy masa is, especially in the hands of extremist agitators like AM radio commentators, I'm pretty sure we'll have a helluva political turmoil within the next years.
And that's just the pinoy masa. The global economy is even more unforgiving. I mean, when Erap muttered something about "I inherited a bankrupt government", no one took it seriously.
He was a moron. And everyone knew it.
But here comes GMA, proudly proclaiming basically the same thing, except this time she's shoving her economists dipomas down our throats. Guess what'll happen?
I am absolutely furious at this whole inanity. Half of me wishes that this is just a bad dream, the logical and unmerciful half is wishing that we DO get into a real fiscal crisis. The only real way for the pinoy to learn its lessons in good governance is to really hit rock bottom. Until this week, I actually thought we did. But apparently, we can still keep digging.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
The Higher Purpose
"Oh God, i cant take this anymore!" cried Xero as he swung open the ornate office doors and
stormed into the room.
A soft chuckle emanated from the large desk at far end of the room. "Dont tell me you're already giving up?" replied a calm voice. "I thought you were already decided on getting this... promotion? "
Xero paused just enough to catch a glimpse at the speaker. As usual, he was sitting in his oversized chair with his back against him. The boss always knows everthing. Comes with the job i guess, Xero thought to himself. Building up courage once more, he approached the desk.
"Yes I am. I do want the promotion." Xero took another step closer. His eminence's very presence never ceased to calm him. Of course, he was never mad to begin with. Here in this room, lay an eternal peace. This was the Ark of Heaven, the chamber of the One.
"You question my wisdom then?" spoke the Lord.
"Of course not your holiness! I am but confused as to how ensuring the safety of this mortal is supposed to make me Archangel my lord. Are there no other tasks you wish me to do? Gabriel had it easy."
"To each his own my son. Time will show you my plans. So how has it been?"
"Terrible my lord. at least for me. ever since you told me to protect every single hair on his head from harm. Everything he seems to do turns out to be a disaster! And lord, I get nothing in return. No thanks, not even any acknowledgement everytime i save his butt from certain doom..." Xero was getting ecstatic.
"...Why only last week, he posted to the world how things always go wrong at the worst possible moments. He blames it all on someone called Murphy. Is that my counterpart down there?" He emphasized the last word slowly. Xero always suspected that there was something much more to guarding the human than met the eye.
"Maybe." Another chuckle. The Lord was definitely enjoying this game. Mental note: Ask Lucifer how HIS demon is faring. "And my restrictions? Remember, you should be very discreet."
"Yes your holiness. No blatantly changing of the physical laws. No witnesses on any divine acts. Though i do admit, that last misadventure of his was really a stumper"
"Ah yes, I remember that." Chuckle. "Busting out his tire at the last moment so that he wont get into that 6-vehicle-collision... And a year before that, quite an ingenieous way of clearing out C5 before his car spun out of control at 100Kph." A long pause. "Xero, the Archangel of Creativity. It has a nice ring to it doesnt it?"
Xero squirmed at this last bit of undeserved praise. Now for the bad news. "I think he's onto me, my liege."
"And why do you think that?"
"He fancies himself ... invincible."
"Interesting."
Exciting too. Xero sighed. Very exciting.
"He is scared of nothing now. He is reckless, suicidal, doesnt give a damn about his health AND keeps taunting enraged Ateneans about their sucky team... My lord! I cant just keep causing the bad guys to slip on banana peels! I cant continue possessing perfect strangers to catch him when he falls or push him away from falling hollowblocks! I dont even want to keep messing around with the natural order of life... My Lord, he is going to ABUSE ME!!!"
"You should be happy Xero. I give you the free hand to do what you want. this is much much more exciting than simply delivering messages to virgins or slaying firstborn Egyptians."
"Please dont make me go thru this my lord! Even angels have their limits!" cried Xero in exasperation. The limit was VERY close indeed.
"You can walk away any time you know. Just think about it." the Lord said with finality. "But remember, this is your trial by fire."
To be continued...
What will happen to Xero, Guardian Angel of the being known as SoloFlite? Will he achieve the reknowned title of Archangel? Or will he leave Soloflite alone in his adventures? Tune in next week for the continuation in...
...The Angel Xero vs the Demon Murphyeous!
stormed into the room.
A soft chuckle emanated from the large desk at far end of the room. "Dont tell me you're already giving up?" replied a calm voice. "I thought you were already decided on getting this... promotion? "
Xero paused just enough to catch a glimpse at the speaker. As usual, he was sitting in his oversized chair with his back against him. The boss always knows everthing. Comes with the job i guess, Xero thought to himself. Building up courage once more, he approached the desk.
"Yes I am. I do want the promotion." Xero took another step closer. His eminence's very presence never ceased to calm him. Of course, he was never mad to begin with. Here in this room, lay an eternal peace. This was the Ark of Heaven, the chamber of the One.
"You question my wisdom then?" spoke the Lord.
"Of course not your holiness! I am but confused as to how ensuring the safety of this mortal is supposed to make me Archangel my lord. Are there no other tasks you wish me to do? Gabriel had it easy."
"To each his own my son. Time will show you my plans. So how has it been?"
"Terrible my lord. at least for me. ever since you told me to protect every single hair on his head from harm. Everything he seems to do turns out to be a disaster! And lord, I get nothing in return. No thanks, not even any acknowledgement everytime i save his butt from certain doom..." Xero was getting ecstatic.
"...Why only last week, he posted to the world how things always go wrong at the worst possible moments. He blames it all on someone called Murphy. Is that my counterpart down there?" He emphasized the last word slowly. Xero always suspected that there was something much more to guarding the human than met the eye.
"Maybe." Another chuckle. The Lord was definitely enjoying this game. Mental note: Ask Lucifer how HIS demon is faring. "And my restrictions? Remember, you should be very discreet."
"Yes your holiness. No blatantly changing of the physical laws. No witnesses on any divine acts. Though i do admit, that last misadventure of his was really a stumper"
"Ah yes, I remember that." Chuckle. "Busting out his tire at the last moment so that he wont get into that 6-vehicle-collision... And a year before that, quite an ingenieous way of clearing out C5 before his car spun out of control at 100Kph." A long pause. "Xero, the Archangel of Creativity. It has a nice ring to it doesnt it?"
Xero squirmed at this last bit of undeserved praise. Now for the bad news. "I think he's onto me, my liege."
"And why do you think that?"
"He fancies himself ... invincible."
"Interesting."
Exciting too. Xero sighed. Very exciting.
"He is scared of nothing now. He is reckless, suicidal, doesnt give a damn about his health AND keeps taunting enraged Ateneans about their sucky team... My lord! I cant just keep causing the bad guys to slip on banana peels! I cant continue possessing perfect strangers to catch him when he falls or push him away from falling hollowblocks! I dont even want to keep messing around with the natural order of life... My Lord, he is going to ABUSE ME!!!"
"You should be happy Xero. I give you the free hand to do what you want. this is much much more exciting than simply delivering messages to virgins or slaying firstborn Egyptians."
"Please dont make me go thru this my lord! Even angels have their limits!" cried Xero in exasperation. The limit was VERY close indeed.
"You can walk away any time you know. Just think about it." the Lord said with finality. "But remember, this is your trial by fire."
To be continued...
What will happen to Xero, Guardian Angel of the being known as SoloFlite? Will he achieve the reknowned title of Archangel? Or will he leave Soloflite alone in his adventures? Tune in next week for the continuation in...
...The Angel Xero vs the Demon Murphyeous!
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
The Birth of the Mini Blog
Castle Flite-enstein
The Evil Dr Flite-Enstein has finally brought the Demented blog back from the dead-- complete with Igor's picks in the demented blogyard (sort of). Still unsatisfied, Dr Flite-enstein continues with his nefarious experiments to include...
THE MINI BLOG (see it just under the Sidebar's DEMENTED BLOGGERS section)
__________________
I shall call you... "Mini-blog"
But Father, I dont want to be a mini-blog.
Why not? You'll have all the little quips i think of, all of my quotable quotes, those idiotic booboos, oneliners, joke wannabes and other stuff i'd think of in the near future....
Why can't the Demented Blog do that? I mean, he's big, bad and downright tactless... He'll do ANYTHING!!!
Well... Actually, Im too lazy to incorporate these things into the REAL posts.
Oh, so I get it. I'm not a REAL blog then?
You bet you're not! Cause your not quite bloggy enough. Your semi-bloggy, your quasi-bloggy, your the margarine of blogspot, your the diet coke of blogspot, just one calorie, not "bloggy" enough! Get it?!
AND THUS WAS BORN THE NEWEST BLOG IN THE DR. FLITE-ENSTEIN'S DEMENTED FAMILY
The Evil Dr Flite-Enstein has finally brought the Demented blog back from the dead-- complete with Igor's picks in the demented blogyard (sort of). Still unsatisfied, Dr Flite-enstein continues with his nefarious experiments to include...
THE MINI BLOG (see it just under the Sidebar's DEMENTED BLOGGERS section)
__________________
I shall call you... "Mini-blog"
But Father, I dont want to be a mini-blog.
Why not? You'll have all the little quips i think of, all of my quotable quotes, those idiotic booboos, oneliners, joke wannabes and other stuff i'd think of in the near future....
Why can't the Demented Blog do that? I mean, he's big, bad and downright tactless... He'll do ANYTHING!!!
Well... Actually, Im too lazy to incorporate these things into the REAL posts.
Oh, so I get it. I'm not a REAL blog then?
You bet you're not! Cause your not quite bloggy enough. Your semi-bloggy, your quasi-bloggy, your the margarine of blogspot, your the diet coke of blogspot, just one calorie, not "bloggy" enough! Get it?!
AND THUS WAS BORN THE NEWEST BLOG IN THE DR. FLITE-ENSTEIN'S DEMENTED FAMILY
___________________________
Hope you like the new miniblog ;)
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Open Season
I thought we would have a helluva blowout game against Ateneo today.
But again, our usual 2nd half composure and our atrocious freethrow shooting almost made us lose probably the only game where a team led Ateneo by a high of 33 points.
We cracked up in the 3rd quarter yet again, and almost died down in the 4th.
Casio, Yeo and Tang were shooting blanks in the last half, and we barely survived if not for Cardona's all out monster game.
Cardona, usually the biggest white elephant in Ateneo games finally broke loose with his defensive arch-nemesis Fonacier out for the rest of the season. Almost unstoppable, he ended with 24 points (11/15 FG), 9 rebounds and godknowshowmany trashtalk quips.
Again, it was lucky that Ateneo didnt have its usual endgame lucky breaks. They really gave us ONE BIG FIGHT.
All in all, it was an ugly win.
But we'll take it.
A double digit win, is still a double digit win.
__________________________
In any case...
Cardona, usually the biggest white elephant in Ateneo games finally broke loose with his defensive arch-nemesis Fonacier out for the rest of the season. Almost unstoppable, he ended with 24 points (11/15 FG), 9 rebounds and godknowshowmany trashtalk quips.
Again, it was lucky that Ateneo didnt have its usual endgame lucky breaks. They really gave us ONE BIG FIGHT.
All in all, it was an ugly win.
But we'll take it.
A double digit win, is still a double digit win.
__________________________
In any case...
ATENEO LOST!!!!! Mwahahahhahaha!!!
Oh how the mighty have fallen!!!! Our sucky team actually beat you?! And Tambak Pa??!
Hahahaha!!!!
Im sorry, another tactless ejaculation. Im in a state of orgasmic bliss today.
what I meant was:
Congratulations to the Eagles for clawing back from a 33 Point deficit!
That was a helluva big fight.
They only lost by 11 points.
There.
I really have the makings of a great diplomat.
___________________________
In other news, the Blue Eagles were not the only avians that got sniped today.
The other birdbrained team to take a plunge were the Falcons who got massacred by the UP Fighting Maroons. (BTW- what the hell are Maroons supposed to be anyway??!)
Kudos to UP for sweeping their last 4 games. They might very well be the dark horse this season. They have 4 games left: NU, Ateneo, FEU and DLSU. If they defeat NU and either Ateneo and FEU, they have a fighting chance for a slot at the Final Four.
___________________________
So is it birdhunting season already?
Someone shot down my messenger pigeon tonight as well. Just great.
In any case, here's the message. Hope it reaches you..
My Dearest Chinee,
Im sorry. It was really One Big Fight your team put up with today, but im glad that the better school finally won.
By now the other teams know that the secret to winning against Ateneo is shackling LA the same way the Pumaren brothers did in the last UE win and in most of this afternoon's game. I foresee more losses for Ateneo this season.
Love,
Soloflite
PS - Fear not, If you ever need a shoulder to cry on...
In other news, the Blue Eagles were not the only avians that got sniped today.
The other birdbrained team to take a plunge were the Falcons who got massacred by the UP Fighting Maroons. (BTW- what the hell are Maroons supposed to be anyway??!)
Kudos to UP for sweeping their last 4 games. They might very well be the dark horse this season. They have 4 games left: NU, Ateneo, FEU and DLSU. If they defeat NU and either Ateneo and FEU, they have a fighting chance for a slot at the Final Four.
___________________________
So is it birdhunting season already?
Someone shot down my messenger pigeon tonight as well. Just great.
In any case, here's the message. Hope it reaches you..
My Dearest Chinee,
Im sorry. It was really One Big Fight your team put up with today, but im glad that the better school finally won.
By now the other teams know that the secret to winning against Ateneo is shackling LA the same way the Pumaren brothers did in the last UE win and in most of this afternoon's game. I foresee more losses for Ateneo this season.
Love,
Soloflite
PS - Fear not, If you ever need a shoulder to cry on...
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