Thursday, April 05, 2007

The List

Yes. It's confirmed. I'm running out of single buddies who will be hanging out with me and performing various vital roles in my single life such as the spotter, pointman, wingman and co-conspirators.
The past year, I've almost lost my whole circle of close buddies to marriage. This year, the rest will get hitched. Sigh. When it rains, it pours right?

Well, people have been asking me... When is yours gonna happen? There are two main things that I need to do before getting there. The first reason, and obviously very important... is i haven't found The One yet. Its always the wrong place or the wrong time. Or someone beat me to her.
Second, is that I'm still a long way off from finishing The List.
The List is of course that list of things you have to do before marriage, usually unspoken, unwritten or even consciously thought of. Everyone has it. And especially if the significant other would not support most of the items there, they really need to do it. Or live to regret about.
These are things that people will never admit to their significant others. Some would be confidential (like having a last fling), financial (like getting a Ferrari) or just really hard to do once you get married (like skydiving). Some are really just wants, some are actually achievable given enough time. But as these are all "impractical" compared to the upcoming wedding, many of these items remain un-ticked even in their wedding day.
That's when the problems happen. Some years after getting married, after all the initial euphoria about making babies and raising kids start fading away (because the kids are now bigger and demand less attention... just more money) all these "What if i..." and "Maybe i should have..." questions start to pop up. Made vulnerable by not achieving certain dreams and aspirations, the marriage faces the greatest of its greatest tests.
All because they didn't do The List.
Of course, The List will only help if the items in there are achievable. If you look like Gollum on a bad day, then maybe, just maybe, it isn't realistic to hope that Cosmo would put you in a full-featured Bachelor of the Month article. So just don't stress yourself over not achieving that particular one...

Actually, I have a friend, whose name, gender, age and race I will not divulge, who is only now filling up that list of lists. For the simple purpose of being grammatically correct in this post, I shall refer to this friend of mine as a HE... but just so we keep it neutral, lets call him "GIRL."

Now GIRL has a problem. Like me, he's got this list of things to do before getting hitched, and unlike me, he really is gonna get hitched. VERY SOON.

So he asks me for help in some of them...
most of the list (Editors note: at this point, to liven up the discussion a bit, i have included items from other peoples lists as well) is actually doable...

  • drive my own car
  • drive a motorcycle
  • have my own pad
  • make good in my career
  • start a club
  • learn 3 new sports
  • finish a masteral degree
  • go to 3 other countries outside the Philippines
  • go to 2 other continents outside Asia
  • get my brothers and sisters through college
  • Get my name in some random bar's drinking hall of famers
  • start a bar room brawl
  • get a tattoo
  • Get arrested... but not convicted
  • Go backpacking in Bohol
  • Roro the whole Philippines
  • Have my 5 minutes of TV fame

...and some not so doable (Hereafter referred to as the "not-so-doable" list)...

  • drive my own Ferrari
  • pilot my own jet
  • buy my own yacht
  • found a new scholarship foundation
  • build 100 houses for the homeless
  • own an island
  • raise my own private army
  • start my own magazine/newspaper
  • go to every continent in the world
  • Publish a book. Any book.
  • Win a Pulitzer prize
  • Survive an angry mob
  • hunt down a wild animal with my bare hands
  • Skydive
  • Be the latest trendy female mag's "Bachelor of the Month"
  • Get a planet named after me
  • Master 2 new languages
  • Go backpacking in Europe
  • Climb Mt Everest
  • Master 5 different martial arts and weapon techniques
  • Compete in a national tournament and win

and of course things that have to do with do-ing (Hereafter referred to as the "do" list):

  • do it with a foreign girlfriend
  • do it with a colleague
  • do it with a flight attendant
  • do it with a dance instructor
  • do it with a famous celebrity
  • do it outside manila
  • do it outside the Philippines
  • do it outside Asia
  • do it outer space
  • do it in a car
  • do it in a car while driving
  • do it in a car while racing
  • do it 10,000 feet above sea level
  • do it 10,000 feet below sea level
  • do it online
  • do it on the phone
  • do it with a close female friend
  • do it with two close female friends
  • do it with three close female friends
  • do it with two sisters
  • do it to a lesbian
  • turn the lesbian straight. then do her
  • turn her back into a lesbian. then do her again

...well you get the point. The List is there and woe to the guy who hasn't even filled up even half of it! (Like me, haha, but i have a looong list)

GIRL, though, is pressured. He got engaged just as he finished his doable list, but in the final quarter of his single life, he's still halfway through his "not-so-doable" list and barely ticked off anything in the "do" list.

Over a few beers (okay, maybe a lot of beers) he kept asking me if he should still try to do all the stuff in his list.

GIRL, I tell him. Lets split it into the not-so-doable and the do list.

For the not-so-doable, will the wifey support you when you go and start your own private army? Will she help you choose which island to buy? Will she sign for your insurance when you go skydiving or start pissing off an angry mob? If she says yes to all these things, then you really are meant for each other and there is no need to finish this list now.

Then comes the harder aspect... The do list... Do you really want to do this and get it off your mind NOW or would you rather spend the next 5-20 years planning out how to do it without getting caught by the wifey? This is harder as the items here compose around 60% of Girl's The List. GIRL, you should have started earlier... now the challenge is upon you.

Of course, I'm not the one getting married, and given the amount of alcohol we imbibed the advise just sounded right :)

Anyway, GIRL is now prioritizing which items to still finish and which to scratch out entirely (Like going to each continent in the world. No direct flights to Antarctica for some reason.) and which to just move to the "Things to do before I die" list.

Will he finish The List in time? We'll see. But he's making progress... He's touching base with old female friends and trying to hook up with potential lesbians*. And just survived an angry mob.

You can do it GIRL!! :P

*Interested Lesbians, flight attendants, colleagues, dance instructors and celebrities may send me a resume at


Alina said...

Ok, I laughed, really laughed, in the office, with people looking in a not so common way at me. You should have a warning: don't try drinking coffee or water or whatever else you can spit on your monitor while reading this ;)

Man, am I glad you got back to writing :D

Anonymous said...

Solo! You're back! Missed your writings!

Dont be stressed out that you're the only single guy in your barkada :P

So where do I send the resume again? ;)


JriDDles said...

you're back! which level in dante's inferno have you been? hehe.

Anonymous said...


i haven't been to perth yet, but they say its a nice quaint little city (relative to melbourne and sydney, that is). the beaches, they claim, are excellent--if you can withstand the autumn cold.


Mandylicious said...

Hey you!
Hmm.. I guess I should be thinking about the list now? :P
But hey, most of urs' definitely do-able... never say never? *grin*

~ mandy

solo flite said...

alina: haha yeah, all the pent up writing energy's just rarin' to get out! :P

jenn: haha sige ba! :P

berto: its autumn now?! damn!

mandy: Hahahaha! Yes you should! :P Im currently working on the Bachelor of the month thing, but im still 15lbs away! haha

JP said...

long time no read, aids! :D

ploop said...

Nice - some decent things you need to tick off there. Some of the adrenaline sport and travelling you can knock off while your married. Turning and re-turning the lesbians - well that's a tough one but it's important to set these challenging goals!

chistine said...

GIRL (pretty damn sure i know who this is, hehe!) makes getting married sounds like going into exile, haha!