Sunday, May 07, 2006

The Al-Qaedan Conspiracies - Chapter I

First posted in Jan, 2005. Im reposting this as Chapter 2 is coming out VERY soon ;)

Osama Bin Ladin: Welcome Soloflite. I praise Allah that you came to my summons.

SoloFlite: Tell me again why I'm here.

Osama: I have watched your earlier interview with Saddam Hussein, Soloflite. I believe only someone as twistedly demented as you will be able to fully comprehend the information I am sharing with you.

Solo: What exactly do you have to tell me Osama?

Osama: I have evidence showing that Bush is now heading a group of fanatical overly-zealous christian crusaders who are hell bent on terrorizing the muslim world.

Solo: That's probably his cell group, Osama. Christian cells are like little prayer groups that read the bible together and worship in private. I dont think they'd hurt muslims.

Osama: I also have cell groups, Solo. I know what cells can do. Im actually very proud of them.

Solo: Theres a difference between bible-study and terrorist cells.

Osama: Anyway, I have reason to believe that George Bush and his terrorist network have plans to eradicate the whole muslim populace.

Solo: Nah. You're watching too many movies, Osama. I mean, what kind of person would declare war on half a continent, destroy their economic foundations and basically threaten to blow their civilization to smithereens just because their way of life is different from... OH. WAIT.

Osama: Yes. George bush clearly fits the role.

Solo: Thats not what I meant.

Osama: We of the Al Qaeda have uncovered a plan to destroy half the muslim populace in the world.

Solo: ??? Go on.

Osama: The first stage was to test out a new uber-powerful nuclear device that can wipe out an area in minutes. The first prototype could flatten a whole city without being detected by conventional means. This was apparently done already. With great success.

Solo: Done already?? With great success??! When?

Osama: Yes. Remember the earthquake that devastated Iran's Bam City last year?

Solo: Yes. Around 30,000 iranians died there. But that was a natural disaster.

Osama: Im afraid not, Solo. That was the first prototype.

Solo: ....??!

Osama: Phase two was another test for their upgraded bomb. And it was done at the same time in december last year.

Solo: Another earthquake? But the only earthquake of significance in December after Christmas was...

Osama: In Indonesia. The Muslim country of Indonesia, if I might add. That is the latest version of their doomsday device. An underwater-based explosion that would trigger a Tsunami of powerful force.

Solo: ....

Osama: Apparently, they made a mistake on the location of the epicenter. Instead of flattening the whole Indonesian Archipelago, it only affected the outermost coasts and the neighboring countries of Malaysia and Sri Lanka.

Solo: But still... why would he attack Indonesia instead of the Middle East directly?

Osama: You know how terrorists operate, Solo. This is a warning signal to the Muslim world. Besides, my friends in JI are based there. Plus, the date of both events are signficant.

Solo: December 26?

Osama: Yes. It is my eighth wife's firstborn's cousin's birthday. Bush is telling the world he knows everything about me.

Solo: I still find this a bit incredulous.

Osama: If you think about it, why else would the US give such a paltry sum to help in the rehabilitation of Indonesia?

Solo: ...good question. Because it takes days of careful study before they could release an amount that big?

Osama: No! Of course not! Its because they DONT WANT TO. THESE ARE MUSLIMS, my friend. And thats what its all about.

Solo: So when did you learn of this again?

Osama: Back in 2000. I had to act quickly once I learned of the full scale of his plans. That is why I launched what you would call a pre-emptive strike.

Solo: Pre-emptive strike? You dont mean...

Osama: Yes. September 11.

---to be continued---

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

this post has me quivering with anticipation for the continuation...

-sealdi

ennui said...

Wow this is something. Are you sure you're not part of the CIA? hahahaha

transience said...

well? well? excitement should never be this truncated.

JriDDles said...

the conspiracy theory of a subterrenean explosion has been naughtily hinted by a tv magazine here in oz just this week, featuring the earthquake monitoring data analysis of the "ban the nuclear testing" (or something akin to this) org based in switzerland (?). but i shall await with bated breath the completion of your "minority report".

-berto

Anonymous said...

don't get me wrong. the said org never said such a thing took place that fateful day. only, it maked viewers wonder why its presence was sought when there's the meteorological and geological orgs around. ;)

--berto

Sedricke said...

astig. please continue. :)

Berger said...

onga. more!

ItsieBitsie said...

cool! hope you could also interview Bush for his side of the story. =)

angel said...

Kewlness! as always! post the continuation na!

Abster said...

That was quite an entry.Ü I don't think I've read anything similar on any blog I've ever been to.

I'll be waiting for the continuation!

banzai cat said...

Excellent theorizing indeed. Straight out of XFiles nga e.

Ever think of taking up writing stories?

de Villa said...

Yo Solo

Just got back from Phils. The weather whilst I was there was great!! (compared here in Australia which have been a mixture of cold, hot and wet). Had a good time as well.

Anyway just catching up on some blog reading. Can't wait to read the second part of this!

olrayt said...

chapter 2 na! :)

. said...

.

Eu-Leh said...

what happen to this blog? will there be more entries to come? hello soloflite...!

Anonymous said...

HEY QUICK QUESTION FROM YOUR LAST POST ON THIS LINK..... http://soloflite.blogspot.com/2005/05/this-just-pisses-me-off.html

Q. "WHY ARE MOST FILIPINOS BACKSTABBING WHITE-WANNABES"?

I MEAN, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU... I'VE DEALT WITH A LOT OF FILIPINAS AND YOU GUYS ARE KNOWN TO BE THE MOST BACKSTABBING BUNCH OF "WHITE-WANNABES". I THINK AT AN EARLY AGE, FILIPINAS ARE TRAINED TO BE CONNIVING PPL AND SNAKES... AND UNFORTUNATELY..... EVEN ONE OF YOUR OWN PPL..... ADMITTED THAT AS A FILIPINA, TO MARRY SOMEONE WHITE IS SOMETHING CLOSE TO GOING TO PARADISE FOR FILIPINAS.... (A FILIPINA HERSELF SAID THAT)....! AND I SAID WOW....... AND SHE SAID... IT DOESNT MATTER IF THE GUY IS HOMELESS AND A DRUG ADDICT... IF YOU HAVE A BABY BY A WHITE PERSON..... IT IS REALLY A BIG DEAL!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY THOUGH... WHY IS IT THAT FILIPIANAS REALLY SUCK UP AND WANNA BE LIKE WHITE PPL!

AND BY THE WAY... I LIVE IN SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA... AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU I LOVE THE WAY THEY LOOK, AND DONT MIND THEIR ACCENT COZ I'M A FOREIGNER MYSELF.... (JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I AINT A BIGOT)

ALSO FILIPINAS HAVE THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATES AND THIS ACCORDING TO STATISTICS HAS MAINLY TO DO WITH.... "IDENTITY CRISIS".....

SO ALL IN ALL...... PLEASE EXPLAIN... AND ANSWR IN A CIVILISED MANNER.... I DIDT WRITE THIS TO BE A HATER BUT REALLY TO FIND OUT WHY FILIPINAS ARE LIKE THAT?....

- WHY ARE FILIPINAS BACKSTABBERS?
- WHY DO FILIPINAS HAVE AN OBSESSIONS FOR NEPOTISM?
- WHY DO FILIPINAS HATE BLACKS?
- WHY DO FILIPINAS HAVE THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATES?
- WHY DO FILIPINAS WANNA BE LIKE WHITES?.... AND
- WHY IS BEARING A CHILD BY A WHITEMAN CONSIDERED LIKE GOING TO HEAVEN?

PLEASE ANSWER!

THANKS!

almaritchel said...

hi, blog hopping here!

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