Turning my world upside down

Why MMDA needs to make a U-turn on its decision

The logic was simple enough. For a 4 year old.

No daylight, no day...

therefore...

No trafficlight, no traffic.

Genius! Absolute Genius!

And so began the brainchild of the MMDA. The masterplan to eliminate all traffic in Metro Manila... by eliminating all the traffic lights in Metro Manila! (I can almost hear Dr. evil laughing in the background. Mwahahahahaha!)

At first it was actually working in the places it was implemented (namely C5, Edsa and Quezon Avenue.) No traffic lights meant that in these areas, no car was stopping on its own. No traffic lights meant no MMDA officers were needed to check for traffic.

Perfect.

It took precisely .0000087 milliseconds after implementation for the first problem to occur.

And more problems started pouring in.

Now, obviously obsessed at making the whole damn idea work, we're seeing MMDA resort to smarter and smarter ideas that will give the whole "no traffic light, no traffic" theory a run for its money as the most awe-inspiring spark of genius in human history.

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Problem #1: Not all people want to drive indefinitely until the end of a highway. Sometimes, just sometimes, they need to go to the other side of the road.

So how do you make sure everyone got to their destination if there were no traffic lights left on the road?

Bright Idea #1: U-turn slots.

In its purest form, a U-turn is always welcome.

You lost your way? No problem! Make a U-turn and backtrack your way to last place you can remember.

You overshot your intersection? No problem! Make a U-turn and take right turn.

Sure it wasnt the most brilliant of inventions known to the motoring world, but hey, you thank God in the few times you actually use it.

And then the Devil corrupted it.

The MMDA turned this poor thing from an instrument of God to a motorists's nightmare.

In the long stretch of C5 for example, they setup U-turn slots instead of having intersections with traffic lights (and hence, traffic). For someone in the northbound lane, to be able to go anywhere next to the southbound lane, they had to look for the nearest available U-turn slot.

Problem #2: U-turn slots are also choke points
These U-turn slots, depending on how popular the destination was, often got clogged up and used up 2-3 lanes more than was originally planned. This in turn, caused the other lanes to slow done because the U-turns became a choke point...

Apparently besides crazy drivers that swerved 3 lanes to be able to reach the U-turn, the main problem was caused by trucks that took up 4 lanes just to TURN.. which either caused traffic or accidents that caused traffic...

Which led to...

Bright Idea #2: Install "Do not use this U-turn if you are taller than this" signs.

I kid you not. They physically put bars that would hit the top part of the trucks in the U-turn areas that clogged traffic. This should make sure Truck drivers would think twice before using a U-turn slot.

Which led to...

Problem #3: Truck drivers DONT think. Thats why they're truck drivers hehehe

Which led to...

Bright Idea #3: Take out all the minor U-Turns so the Trucks dont clog c5...

Which led to...

Problem #4: Almost ALL the U-turns are minor. So basically there are almost no U-turns left in c5. Few U-turns = Longer drives = Larger gas bills for everyone.

No bright ideas have been churned out at the moment on how to address this.
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Problem #5: One use of Traffic lights was, as extensive MMDA research now shows, to give a chance for pedestrians to cross to the other side of the road.

Let me repeat. Traffic lights stop cars. If cars are not moving, people can cross.

If cars ARE moving at high speeds on a 8-lane highway, people can still cross. To the afterlife.
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Bright Idea #4: Why did the chicken cross the c5? He didnt. He's a chicken remember?

Now, why do people cross the road anyway? Sounds like a joke, but the MMDA takes it seriously. According to MMDA research, people cross the road because they are Stupid.

Just read the signs they posted: "Bawal tumawid. Nakamamatay." roughly translated in in english as "Dont Cross. You will die, stupid."

So there. People cross the road because they are stupid. Not because they need to go to the other side for minor things such as work and life.
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Bright Idea #5: The occasional pedestrian walkway

Of course, the MMDA think tanks, being geniuses that lived in their own ivory towers, were not aware of the continued existence of millions of stupid people in Metro Manila.

So once in a while, they made pedestrian walkways or underground tunnels that turned Stupid people into Smart People. Or at least gave Smart people a way to cross the street.

Of course, since Smart people are heavily outnumbered by Stupid people, these walkways are actually quite few and far between.

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Here's my two cents: Just bring back the damn traffic lights!

Les Miser Lab

No longer cold, wet and hungry... but looking miserable nonetheless. And damn cute hehehe

The MBA Tryouts

After YEARS of procrastinating, I finally took the plunge and tried my hand at the DLSU Grad School entrance exam for my MBA last saturday.

Just to be sure, I took out the dusty GMAT reviewer I purchased FOUR years ago and reviewed it the night before the exam.

GMAT for dummies: GMAT is a combination of tests on math and verbal intelligence. The score you get here can determine your eligibility for entering US-based graduate schools.

1. It was over 7 years since I last did any mathematical computations MANUALLY. (Damn you Microsoft Excel!!!) I had trouble multiplying by hand and forgot how to DIVIDE.

2. It was over 7 years since I last wrote an essay. By hand. I was hanging out in hospitals the past month and I was starting to envy the penmanship I saw in doctors' prescriptions after I was done with my review.

3. I did not remember how to solve for mathematical problems like "If Peter can do this much work in 20 days, and Paul can do this much work in 10 days, how fast can they do it if they work together?". My brain simply rejected it. Answering this stuff usually copied Peter's manager so Peter would work faster.

4. Questions with "Choose the BEST answer" is evil. Too many brain cells will die in vain trying to solve for it.

5. I make a few mistakes. Diagnostic test puts my GMAT equivalent at... Hmm... Not bad :) Alcohol has not killed off everything in this brain hehe

6. After taking the diagnostic test, I read the next chapter of the book "How to plan to take the test". Hehehehe I check the time. I have six hours before my exam. And I have to sleep.

7. There are three types of plans, depending on the time--- More than 4 weeks, More than 2 weeks But less than 4 weeks, AND Less than 2weeks. Nothing about six hours. I wonder why? hehe Oh well. Minor detail.

8. I try 1 or 2 other excercies. Then I sleep. hehe 90% of the GMAT reviewer was never meant to be read anyway :) If im meant to ace it, then i will (i hope hehe).

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What I was thinking while taking the actual exam (In actual order of realization):

1. Woohoo! Over 80% of the examinees are female. Some are actually cute. None have rings.

2. Everyone has at least 2 pencils on their desk. Some geeks have 5 all neatly laid out in front of them. I look at mine. I have ONE and the tip is broken. And I dont have a sharpener.

3. My seatmate has a sharpener. But shes not cute.

4. For the first time in my life I waste a pickup line to get a sharpener. A sharpener! The end is near!!

5. Of the 20% male populace, at least 30% were gay. Less competition for the girls. Hehehehe

6. Even the proctor is gay. No threat there.

7. Essay begins. Writing by hand is soooo... slow...

8. The pencil is an instrument of pure torture. My hand is getting tired and I havent even written down half of what I was thinking.

9. I should have had breakfast. My stomach is growling already...

10. Damn pencil breaks. Lucky for me I now have a sharpener hehe. Pickup line not wasted after all.

11. Pencil broke again. I sharpen again. Pencil shavings start to decorate my desk. I miss my Thinkpad already.

12. Essay is over. 15 minute break.

13. I have 12 texts in my inbox. I reply only to the pretty one (And I'm not only saying she's pretty because she reads this blog hehehe) I grab a quick breakfast at the cafe and silence my stomach.

14. I check the expressions of the cute examinees. Not good. Oh well, lets see who I end up with classmates. Maybe luck will be on my side this time.

15. 2nd part of the test begins. I realize I have not gone to the bathroom. Spider sense tingling.

16. The test is a walk the park. I'm glad im this smart. And high on caffeine.

17. Hmmm mental math. 3 classes per term, 20 students each, mostly girls. All of which have FRIENDS. If I dont like the class, I can drop the class and a new batch of girls will be available the next term... What a hunting ground!!! hehehe

18. After 15 minutes into the 2hr 30 minute test... I realize with horror that I HAVE to go to the bathroom. And the doors are closed.

19. Math is surprisingly easy. 3429/8903X + 2132109/994532Y = 9431241. Solve for... what the heck, I HAVE to go to the bathroom. F@ck it! C sounds like the right answer. C it is.

20. "I HAVE to go to the bathroom!" becomes a mantra.

21. "F@ck it! C sounds good. " also becomes a mantra.

22. My mental fortitude reaches the breaking point. I pass my papers and go for the bathroom. Oh well, theres always next term :)

Life in 24x7

Insomnia + Writers Block = This post

Time. Who knows how long its been?

Seems I've been living almost 24x7 for the past few months. I am stressed, I am relaxed. My weight fluctuates by + or - 5lbs every week. And no, I'm not in the best of health.

Life has given me a rude awakening, worked me hard and partied me harder, kicked me down and picked me up, slapped me around and kissed me goodnight.

And now it gives me Insomnia.

So here I am... Tired, confused and waiting for the next day it would bring.

But there wont be a ray of sunshine just waking me up tomorrow...

I am out here tonight, eyes wide open, forcing the day to dawn myself.

Apparently... I'm not a Koala

You're a Raccoon in the wild world of love.

Aren't you a crafty creature, Raccoon?

There's a reason for that mask on your face — it makes it easier to sneak out the back door unnoticed after a late-night prank or two. You're a nocturnal prowler and a fun-loving jokester with a definite social streak. There's never a dull moment when you're up for a party or a wild night on the town. After all, who can resist a free-spirited flirt with a great sense of humor? Your abundance of charm doesn't hurt your act either. You subtly move in on your prey, sneaking out of the shadows where you plot your next punch line. Before they even know what hit them, you've left them howling with laughter and disappeared off again into the night.It's a wonder people never tire of your rabble-rousing antics, you tease. It must be something about your mysterious allure that keeps you so fiendishly intriguing. Or maybe it's your approach to living in the moment. Life's a party and you live it and that's what makes you so irresistible!


What's Your Animal Magnetism?

Brought to you by Tickle

Random Koala Thoughts

"I'm sleepy. Let me just grab this branch and... ZzzzzzZ"

Why you might consider becoming koala in your next life:

1. Their whole mission in life is to eat, sleep and be role models for stuffed toys everywhere. They sleep 20 hours a day, and while awake, do nothing but eat and have sex.
2. Look at the picture... even if they look like drunk little bastards out from another late night drinking binge... they still look cute!
3. Despite being useless members of society, their government even encourages their existence, makes them a national treasures and prosecutes anyone trying to smuggle them out of the country.

Yup. We humans are missing out on a lot of things...

The List

Yes. It's confirmed. I'm running out of single buddies who will be hanging out with me and performing various vital roles in my single life such as the spotter, pointman, wingman and co-conspirators.

The past year, I've almost lost my whole circle of close buddies to marriage. This year, the rest will get hitched. Sigh. When it rains, it pours right?

Well, people have been asking me... When is yours gonna happen? There are two main things that I need to do before getting there. The first reason, and obviously very important... is i haven't found The One yet. Its always the wrong place or the wrong time. Or someone beat me to her.

Second, is that I'm still a long way off from finishing The List.

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The List is of course that list of things you have to do before marriage, usually unspoken, unwritten or even consciously thought of. Everyone has it. And especially if the significant other would not support most of the items there, they really need to do it. Or live to regret about.

These are things that people will never admit to their significant others. Some would be confidential (like having a last fling), financial (like getting a Ferrari) or just really hard to do once you get married (like skydiving). Some are really just wants, some are actually achievable given enough time. But as these are all "impractical" compared to the upcoming wedding, many of these items remain un-ticked even in their wedding day.

That's when the problems happen. Some years after getting married, after all the initial euphoria about making babies and raising kids start fading away (because the kids are now bigger and demand less attention... just more money) all these "What if i..." and "Maybe i should have..." questions start to pop up. Made vulnerable by not achieving certain dreams and aspirations, the marriage faces the greatest of its greatest tests.

All because they didn't do The List.

Of course, The List will only help if the items in there are achievable. If you look like Gollum on a bad day, then maybe, just maybe, it isn't realistic to hope that Cosmo would put you in a full-featured Bachelor of the Month article. So just don't stress yourself over not achieving that particular one...

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Actually, I have a friend, whose name, gender, age and race I will not divulge, who is only now filling up that list of lists. For the simple purpose of being grammatically correct in this post, I shall refer to this friend of mine as a HE... but just so we keep it neutral, lets call him "GIRL."

Now GIRL has a problem. Like me, he's got this list of things to do before getting hitched, and unlike me, he really is gonna get hitched. VERY SOON.

So he asks me for help in some of them...

most of the list (Editors note: at this point, to liven up the discussion a bit, i have included items from other peoples lists as well) is actually doable...

• drive my own car
• drive a motorcycle
• have my own pad
• make good in my career
• start a club
• learn 3 new sports
• finish a masteral degree
• go to 3 other countries outside the Philippines
• go to 2 other continents outside Asia
• get my brothers and sisters through college
• Get my name in some random bar's drinking hall of famers
• start a bar room brawl
• get a tattoo
• Get arrested... but not convicted
• Go backpacking in Bohol
• Roro the whole Philippines
• Have my 5 minutes of TV fame

...and some not so doable (Hereafter referred to as the "not-so-doable" list)...

• drive my own Ferrari
• pilot my own jet
• buy my own yacht
• found a new scholarship foundation
• build 100 houses for the homeless
• own an island
• raise my own private army
• start my own magazine/newspaper
• go to every continent in the world
• Publish a book. Any book.
• Win a Pulitzer prize
• Survive an angry mob
• hunt down a wild animal with my bare hands
• Skydive
• Be the latest trendy female mag's "Bachelor of the Month"
• Get a planet named after me
• Master 2 new languages
• Go backpacking in Europe
• Climb Mt Everest
• Master 5 different martial arts and weapon techniques
• Compete in a national tournament and win

and of course things that have to do with do-ing (Hereafter referred to as the "do" list):

• do it with a foreign girlfriend
• do it with a colleague
• do it with a flight attendant
• do it with a dance instructor
• do it with a famous celebrity
• do it outside manila
• do it outside the Philippines
• do it outside Asia
• do it outer space
• do it in a car
• do it in a car while driving
• do it in a car while racing
• do it 10,000 feet above sea level
• do it 10,000 feet below sea level
• do it online
• do it on the phone
• do it with a close female friend
• do it with two close female friends
• do it with three close female friends
• do it with two sisters
• do it to a lesbian
• turn the lesbian straight. then do her
• turn her back into a lesbian. then do her again

...well you get the point. The List is there and woe to the guy who hasn't even filled up even half of it! (Like me, haha, but i have a looong list)

GIRL, though, is pressured. He got engaged just as he finished his doable list, but in the final quarter of his single life, he's still halfway through his "not-so-doable" list and barely ticked off anything in the "do" list.

Over a few beers (okay, maybe a lot of beers) he kept asking me if he should still try to do all the stuff in his list.

GIRL, I tell him. Lets split it into the not-so-doable and the do list.

For the not-so-doable, will the wifey support you when you go and start your own private army? Will she help you choose which island to buy? Will she sign for your insurance when you go skydiving or start pissing off an angry mob? If she says yes to all these things, then you really are meant for each other and there is no need to finish this list now.

Then comes the harder aspect... The do list... Do you really want to do this and get it off your mind NOW or would you rather spend the next 5-20 years planning out how to do it without getting caught by the wifey? This is harder as the items here compose around 60% of Girl's The List. GIRL, you should have started earlier... now the challenge is upon you.

Of course, I'm not the one getting married, and given the amount of alcohol we imbibed the advise just sounded right :)

Anyway, GIRL is now prioritizing which items to still finish and which to scratch out entirely (Like going to each continent in the world. No direct flights to Antarctica for some reason.) and which to just move to the "Things to do before I die" list.

Will he finish The List in time? We'll see. But he's making progress... He's touching base with old female friends and trying to hook up with potential lesbians*. And just survived an angry mob.

You can do it GIRL!! :P

*Interested Lesbians, flight attendants, colleagues, dance instructors and celebrities may send me a resume at solo_flite@yahoo.com

Mumbai Misadventures

Disclaimer- Absolutely do not read if you are INDIAN. I have no intention of pissing off all 1 billion of you.

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I've always been intrigued by India ever since I read Thomas Friedman's popular take on globalization- "The World is Flat". Basically, the whole book preaches that because of technology and the fast commodization of many of today's products, countries like India and China are poised to take away most of the world's jobs and production... In other words, the whole book was more than hinting that very soon, all manufacturable products will be made in China, and all IT related products will be done in India.

The way he described it, India was a country of a billion knowledge workers who pound-for-pound are superior to many inhabitants of First-World countries. (He actually does go on and on about how Americans are getting too lax and defocusing on science and technology). He also glosses about how the infrastructure in India can match many of Silicon Valley's own technology centers. Because of this, he argues, India should be the first country of choice in any IT outsourcing initiative.

Of course it didnt help that during this time, I was passionate about how the Philippines is actually a leading candidate in this sector and that Thomas Friedman gave only little mention of our country...

So when I first heard there was a possibility of going to India for a business trip, I just took it. Never mind everyone's warning that Mumbai was such a backwater hellhole with 70's style taxis running amuck and cows shitting with impunity in the streets. Nope, it wasnt mentioned in Friedman's book. Sorry folks, I just wanted to see it with my own two eyes.

Damn. Nothing prepared me for what I was going to go thru.

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Mumbai, the city formerly known as Bombay, is the financial capital of India with a population of around 13 million. The first thing you would notice is that its damn hard to book a room in a decent hotel. The next thing you notice is that these decent hotels charge an exorbitantly indecent rate- roughly $200-$300 a night for a single room! This is Mumbai, a third world country... not Paris!

Actually I asked around after. Apparently, because the power infrastructure in the city is so bad, building owners have coped by limiting the number of floors in each building so that they wont have too many issues with failing elevators. So then it became supply and demand-> short hotels lead to lower capacity, and since a TON of foreign investors drop by on a regular basis, lower capacity means the hotels can charge more for each night and these guys would have no choice but to suck up the extra cost.

Anyway...

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I was introduced to Indian-style traffic at on my first night. I thought traffic in Manila was bad... but nothing, absolutely nothing prepared me for the traffic here.

After being picked up from the airport by the hotel car, we slowly made our way to the hotel, which was quite far from the airport.

The whole time I was on heightened alert! Each road was either a dark sidestreet or a 2-lane main road. The dark sidestreets were a perfect setting for any kidnapping/carnapping operation, while the mainroads were in absolute chaos with pedestrians crossing the street (who for some reason DO NOT look at the incoming cars), auto-rickshaws (or Tuktuks if you've been to Bangkok), 70's style taxis (more on this later!), tons and tons of motorcycles, mega potholes and finally, cows that just really felt they were gods.

Oh and did I mention that the drivers there DO NOT step on the brakes. They just keep their horns blaring at full blast. All the time.

Within 30 minutes of driving that way (the hotel was actually 1 hour away from the airport), i guess it inevitable that we just had to smash into a motorcycle! One actually got too close and our driver, keeping a straight path just mowed into this little obstacle...

Lets pause for a bit. Here in Manila, whenever something like that happens, both drivers would be fighting in the middle of the street waiting for the police to stop them, unheedful of the growing traffic and the angry mob of drivers right behind them... Well, at least if both are full blooded testosterone-high males.

If there are beautiful females involved, the male would graciously pull over to one side to allow traffic to resume normally (and try to get their numbers). Of course, traffic will still continue because all passing vehicles will slow down to check out the hapless female. But i digress...

Anyway, continuing my story... The motorcyclist picked himself up, then drove at full speed towards the hotel car. Here's how it happened... All while driving at full speed (relatively) and without pressing any brakes.

Note as well that its RIGHT hand drive in India...

Soloflite's thought bubble: Oh shit, here it comes!

Motorcyclist: Rides along the LEFT side of the vehicle. Gives the evil eye to the hotel driver

Hotel Driver: Looks to his left side. Complete 90 degree head turn. Gives the Evil eye right back to the Motorcyclist.

Soloflite's thought bubble: The road, driver, the road! Why are you not slowing down?!

Motorcyclist: Narrowly avoids and incoming car. Gives the evil eye back to the hotel driver.
Hotel Driver: Hits a pothole but doesnt even slow down. Gives the evil eye back to the Motorcyclist.

Soloflite's thought bubble: WTF is happening?! Suddenly notices that ALL the other cars have dents... (Cheesy Horror music suddenly plays in the background)

Motorcyclist: Avoids ANOTHER incoming car AND two pedestrians. Gives the evil eye back to the hotel driver.

Hotel Driver: Gives the evil eye back to the Motorcyclist. Still does not look at the road. Which is actually an intersection. He beats a red light AND almost gets sideswiped.

Soloflite's thought bubble: "Inquirer headline: Pinoy killed in India traffic accident." and "Mumbai Daily footnote story: One down, a billion to go."

Motorcyclist: Obviously realizes hotel car isnt going to stop anytime soon. Gives the evil eye back to the hotel driver and veers off in another direction.

Hotel Driver: Tries to give the evil eye back towards the Motorcyclist. But he isnt there. Looks to the front again and blares his horns at another lunatic on the road.

Normalcy returns.

So there. The entire thing lasted less than two minutes, but was enough for me to suddenly miss the traffic back in Manila. (And for days after that whenever someone told me "Shit, ang traffic!" I would smugly reply... "Nope. You havent seen REAL traffic yet.")

I wonder how insurance is doing in that country.

(To be continued)

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All you need for all out summer fun!

You know you're gonna have a great weekend when you're just stocking up on 'em summer essentials :P Those guys at Watsons sure know how to have fun.

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Kidding aside, this site has really been gathering cobwebs. Bigtime! The last post I actually wrote was almost a year ago and featured another summer misadventure in hawaii.

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One year. During that time, I've been goin around and been havin the time of my life! I had my feasts and famines and ups and downs on a helluva rollercoaster ride of a year. I've gained new friends, lost some old (mostly due to them migrating or marrying someone) and in some cases, reunited old ties.

Ive jetsetted to LA, India, Hongkong, Singapore and Indonesia (a ton of stories to come after this). I've gotten fat, am getting fit and I've dabbled in new sports like GOLF (Good lord, the end is near!), Futsal and Karting.

One year. A year of staring down at this raging bull called life and taking it by the horns... Never minding the wounds, never minding the pain. Just showing the beast who's boss and wrestling it down to the ground. One big bullfight of a year.

And it has gone unpublished.

Not for long.

The Al-Qaedan Conspiracies - Chapter I

First posted in Jan, 2005. Im reposting this as Chapter 2 is coming out VERY soon ;)

Osama Bin Ladin: Welcome Soloflite. I praise Allah that you came to my summons.

SoloFlite: Tell me again why I'm here.

Osama: I have watched your earlier interview with Saddam Hussein, Soloflite. I believe only someone as twistedly demented as you will be able to fully comprehend the information I am sharing with you.

Solo: What exactly do you have to tell me Osama?

Osama: I have evidence showing that Bush is now heading a group of fanatical overly-zealous christian crusaders who are hell bent on terrorizing the muslim world.

Solo: That's probably his cell group, Osama. Christian cells are like little prayer groups that read the bible together and worship in private. I dont think they'd hurt muslims.

Osama: I also have cell groups, Solo. I know what cells can do. Im actually very proud of them.

Solo: Theres a difference between bible-study and terrorist cells.

Osama: Anyway, I have reason to believe that George Bush and his terrorist network have plans to eradicate the whole muslim populace.

Solo: Nah. You're watching too many movies, Osama. I mean, what kind of person would declare war on half a continent, destroy their economic foundations and basically threaten to blow their civilization to smithereens just because their way of life is different from... OH. WAIT.

Osama: Yes. George bush clearly fits the role.

Solo: Thats not what I meant.

Osama: We of the Al Qaeda have uncovered a plan to destroy half the muslim populace in the world.

Solo: ??? Go on.

Osama: The first stage was to test out a new uber-powerful nuclear device that can wipe out an area in minutes. The first prototype could flatten a whole city without being detected by conventional means. This was apparently done already. With great success.

Solo: Done already?? With great success??! When?

Osama: Yes. Remember the earthquake that devastated Iran's Bam City last year?

Solo: Yes. Around 30,000 iranians died there. But that was a natural disaster.

Osama: Im afraid not, Solo. That was the first prototype.

Solo: ....??!

Osama: Phase two was another test for their upgraded bomb. And it was done at the same time in december last year.

Solo: Another earthquake? But the only earthquake of significance in December after Christmas was...

Osama: In Indonesia. The Muslim country of Indonesia, if I might add. That is the latest version of their doomsday device. An underwater-based explosion that would trigger a Tsunami of powerful force.

Solo: ....

Osama: Apparently, they made a mistake on the location of the epicenter. Instead of flattening the whole Indonesian Archipelago, it only affected the outermost coasts and the neighboring countries of Malaysia and Sri Lanka.

Solo: But still... why would he attack Indonesia instead of the Middle East directly?

Osama: You know how terrorists operate, Solo. This is a warning signal to the Muslim world. Besides, my friends in JI are based there. Plus, the date of both events are signficant.

Solo: December 26?

Osama: Yes. It is my eighth wife's firstborn's cousin's birthday. Bush is telling the world he knows everything about me.

Solo: I still find this a bit incredulous.

Osama: If you think about it, why else would the US give such a paltry sum to help in the rehabilitation of Indonesia?

Solo: ...good question. Because it takes days of careful study before they could release an amount that big?

Osama: No! Of course not! Its because they DONT WANT TO. THESE ARE MUSLIMS, my friend. And thats what its all about.

Solo: So when did you learn of this again?

Osama: Back in 2000. I had to act quickly once I learned of the full scale of his plans. That is why I launched what you would call a pre-emptive strike.

Solo: Pre-emptive strike? You dont mean...

Osama: Yes. September 11.

---to be continued---

Surfing 101

"Excitement is in the air." -- Chowking Fortune Cookie

Walking around Waikiki beach in Hawaii, I found myself in front of a stand which offered surfing lessons for $30.

While $30 is chicken feed for most Americans, the poor Thirdworldian known as Soloflite was vehemently resistant to paying this amount. Truth to say, I enjoy watersports a lot-- windsurfing, wakeboarding, kayaking... but one thing I havent really tried was surfboarding and I had hoped to learn it while i was in Hawaii.

So torn between stinginess and excitement, i decided to just play it by ear (and Chowking's advise) and asked the girl manning the stand about who would be the best teacher in their group.

"That'd be Gill over there" She pointed to a well-weathered Samoan guy wading on the beach. "He's like a legend here. He started surfing when he was ten and he's like fifty now. He even taught Frank Sinatra how to surf!" she continued with reverence.

Ah yes. Good ol blue eyes. What a reference. Too bad he never was known for surfing... Still, if the surfers see him as their Yoda, he can't be half bad.

So I walked over to Gill, who was coaching some young-uns and asked him a few things.

"Gill?"

"Thats uncle Gill. Anything I can help you with?"

"Yeah. Im considering a lesson. Can you give me a good reason to take it?" Yes, I talk like this.

"Man, you are in Ha-Wa-Ii! You come here and you no surf, you miss the whole point." Words of wisdom from ther surfer Yoda.

"And would it be worth my Thirty bucks?"

"Well, if you want to learn, learn from uncle Gill. You're surfing in one hour or I give you your money back. But then, ive been doing this for over thirty years and I still havent given anyone a refund."

"Good enough. When's your next lesson?" I asked.

"I just finished my last class. Anytime you're ready."

Just then I noticed a couple of scantily clad japanese girls lining up at the booth where I just came from. (Yeah, I do notice these things a lot)

I quickly elbowed Uncle Gill. "Oh yeah... Make sure they sign up for the same class."

"No you worry! I was just thinking the same thing." And with that he rushes off to the shack telling the girls the same "You are in Ha-Wa-Ii and thus you must surf with Uncle Gill" stuff he told me.

I liked him already.
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Now, for those unfamiliar with how surfing is different from WINDsurfing, here's a quick primer.

Both sports use a board. Windsurfing boards have a Sail and uses wind power to move you around very fast, depending on wind speed. Surfboards dont have sails because it expects you to ride on waves .

It is at this point that i would like to note that waves are usually larger when the water is SHALLOW and there are some stuff (like corals and rocks) forcing the water to break.
This of course means, that in general, because of those waves whacking you into shallow rocks and corals, making mistakes while learning to surf is going to hurt. A lot.

Of course, I only realized this vital piece of information just as we were starting the lesson.
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After successfully getting the scantily clad japaneses girls to join us in our class, Uncle Gill gave us all surfboards and demonstrated the proper positions. Once we were all sure of what to do while on the surfboard, he started the lesson in earnest.

Uncle Gill was a good instructor, and within the first couple of tries I had the whole surfing thing figured out.
1. paddle towards a "good spot" (in my case, next to a scantily clad japanese girl)
2. wait for wave. (or flirt with scantily clad japanese girl)
3. paddle.
4. paddle harder.
5. when on the wave, Stand up.
6. surf/Try not to fall off
7. Fall off and hurt yourself on the corals. Rinse the blood off and repeat.

Good surfers dont usually reach #7, but ironically, mediocre ones can reach it without even going thru the other six.
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Once I got it, I talked to Uncle Gill again.

"Okay. I was standing up. What's next?"

"You surf."

"I did. You saw how much paddling I did to get back here?"

"Oh yeah, sorry was distracted by scantily clad..."

I cut him off before he was distracted again. "Well? Whats next?"

"That's it. You're a surfer. Uncle Gill Certified." He even pats me on the back.

Pause. "That's It? I paddle 10 minutes to surf for 1 minute?"

"Yep. And if you want, you can try bigger waves. Much further from the beach though"

"More paddling?" Emphasis on More. And Paddling.

"Much more. Why do you think surfers all have big guns?"

"How about all these cuts and bruises from the corals?" I pointed to my knees, my legs and feet which were by now a bloody mess.

"You get used to it."

It was then that, Soloflite the surfer vowed never to surf waves again and to reunite with his board and sail in Anilao...

And so whats the moral of this story?
It's hard to flirt if the chick doesnt understand english.

Exodus: Tales from the Enchanted Kingdom

I decided to open my mind this year and started it off by watching a filipino flick. I was actually choosing between Mulawin and Exodus, but after hearing from a friend that there would be no kissing scene between Iya Villania and Bong Revilla (which would have caused involuntary vomiting within the theater house), i decided to go with Exodus.

I was pleasantly to surprised to find that Exodus, despite a few shortcomings (such as a flabby Bong Revilla almost busting out of his tight costume and a few noticeably cheap CGI tricks every know and then) made sure it was worth the budget they asked for.

Caution: Spoilers up ahead!!! :)

Exodus, for those who have seen it, is definitely not an original concept. It's the standard storyline for ANY decent role playing game (RPG), and fans of Final Fantasy would immediately see Exodus as a Cloud Strife-type character --- The moody mercenary with an unknown past but a helluva fighter in combat who doesnt want to get involved with an impending war, but hey, gets a change of heart, recruits a team of powerful friends, massacres the story's badass characters and, get this... saves the world.

But dwelling on the story defeats the purpose of watching Exodus. Exodus strikes me as a "Hey, if you Hollywood bigshots can do it, so can we!" film for all Filipinos. The CGI, sounds, choreography and special effects were top-notch in the most memorable scenes, though they were obviously lacking in many of the minor parts of the movie. Overall, since it's not that big-budgeted, it spends time (and money) on special effects when you least expect it... and gives the impact when you need it.

It makes you go "Hey! That's a scene from Harry Potter!" or "Look! It's Mordor!!" similar to how The Returner made use of their own scenes versus other hollywood movies. In fact, for those who watched, i put in the titles of a few movies which i believe "inspired" some of these scenes:
1. The Matrix -- lots of scenes, but the climactic battle kinda struck me as the same scene where Trinity and Morpheus were holding onto the EMP button while waiting for Neo to come back from the matrix while all those robots were tearing up the ship apart. May also have inspired Aubrey Miles' glasses (On second thought... maybe not.)
2. Beastmaster -- The "Toros", or the upgraded monsters sent to massacre the remaining human strongholds, remind me of one of Beastmaster's monsters. The one created by inserting these weird creatures into the ears of normal humans.
3. Red Sonja -- I swear Silab is a rip-off of Red Sonja's little sidekick! They even look alike! (Although imagining Aubrey Miles in a Red Sonja costume is VERY nice.... Rrrrr...)
4. Terminator -- Nope, definitely not from comparing Bong Revilla and Arnold' Schwarzenegger's physique. Its more of the mercury effect used by Bagulbol when fighting Exodus. And Bong Revilla's acting.
5. Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon -- some fight scenes, especially when Exodus and Bangkila first fought and the ending fight scene
6. The Last Samurai-- Think Tom cruise's full samurai battle gear. Then picture it after a fight with 2000 killer ninjas and you get the inspiration for Exodus' costume.
7. The Mummy - The starting fight scene. Except the enemies looked like muslim extremists more than half-human jackals.
8. Lord of the Rings -- Some sceneries, but mostly the look and feel of the places. Gollum may have inspired the little critters in the cave as well.
9. Harry Potter -- Yes, harry potter! The cave scene where all these keys were flying. Plus, there was someone who reminded me of Mad-eye moody.
10. Aladdin-- Benjie paras' outfit looks more like The Genie than any Tikbalang i've seen portrayed. Iya looks like a princess jasmine, but Tantra may have inspired that outfit more than anything
11. Star Wars: JayR's costumes remind me of Queen Amidala. You'll know it if you watched it.
12. Lion King -- I was actually waiting for "The Circle of Life" theme song to play in the ending scene... hehe

Character-wise, the Revilla's, as expected, got the top roles. But you cant help wondering how much better it would have been if Cesar Montano or Jericho Rosales played Exodus instead (maybe there would have been no need for flab-covering armor hehe). The roles suited Aubrey, Iya (yum yum) and the Kid quite nicely, but Benjie Paras' character wasn't exactly endearing. The wimpy tikbalang did not get the impact it wanted and struck me as how JarJar Binks was in StarWars... A comic relief. From Hell.

Overall, I highly recommend watching this movie. Not for the story, maybe not for the characters (except Iya... Rrrrr), but for what it stands for. It serves as a good start for the new year by showing us what Filipinos can accomplish given enough time, money and incentive, and as Jack Black said in School of Rock, "Shoves it up The Man's ass!"

Finally. MY Day.

Well, more of my month actually.

It's like an extended Adrian day (to those unfamiliar with this term, it's that one day, the 24th of september, each year where absolutely nothing can go wrong for me. True, it may be psychological, but hey, it's still MY DAY.)

For the past few days I have been experiencing an almost complete reversal of Murphy's law. I feel like I could do nothing wrong, like Michael Jordan at the top of his game, or Mike Tyson before he started chomping on his opponents ears.

I'm in the zone. This is my month. My Year.
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Last Sunday, the Archers went up against the Eagles with all their guns blazing and just blew em away. Again.

But no. This post is NOT about how LaSalle was able to claw its way back from the final four grave, nor how the great Ateneo Blue Eagles were brought crashing down from the sky, nor on how LaSalle repeatedly humiliated the whole Ateneo community on national TV.

Nope. This post is about Me.
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Not to say that MY DAY is perfect. Not really.

For the first time since i could remember, it was raining hard on my birthday, I had a bit of a flu, and the bottle of champagne I opened that day was just awful.

But hey, thats not the point.

Point was I had fun, gorging on a steak dinner with my family, had a great time watching Footloose (kudos to you guys! Jay-R was great, Iya was H-O-T!! RRRrrrrRRrrrrRrrr HOT!!!) and had slices of each of JAck Loft's top cakes.

I was out to celebrate and nothing could keep me from enjoying myself.
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Last week, I got a surprise call from the GM's secretary. She asked that I go to the GM's office urgently. With a capital U.

A bit unsure, and fearing the worst, I dropped by and to my surprise, there was the GM, grinning broadly. Apparently, I just won an certain internal competition and was being awarded my brand new iPod!

Of course, I just had a quick pictorial, grabbed my iPod and almost forgot about the letter of congratulations from our ASEAN GM that came with it.

Seriously, im no musical enthusiast, but i'm happy.

I never won more than a few thousand pesoses worth of gift certificates from any raffle or contest and here I was holding a new iPod with my name engraved on it.

Life's best surprises really do come in mini little packages.
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Finally, earlier this month, my boss talked to me quite seriously. He asked me if I remembered about the lunch we had earlier this year wherein I outlined my whole 5-year plan from 2005 to 2010 and how I planned to move from where I am now, to the top of my list.

Well, he remembered. And told me he just recommended me for a move up to the position I outlined as my target in 2007.

And it got approved. Effective October 1, 2005.

I seriously didnt know how to react, but picking up my jaw from the floor seemed correct at that time. Considering that last year was one of the most difficult and trying times I've ever had in my career, this sudden godsend was just totally unexpected.

Finally, things are looking up!!!

Ateneo Bashing time :)

(Beware: Ateneans, read no further. This pertains to the 72-55 blowout of the Archers over the Eagles earlier)

Actually, it was a pretty exciting match. It was a close fight, with the Eagles going neck to neck against the Archers pretty much all throughout the game. They fought hard for each and every possession, creating run after run that made the crowd go wild.

Until Lasalle scored the first basket, that is.

___________________

Ateneo should change their "One Big Fight" Slogan

..."Roll Over and Die" seems more appropriate
___________________

Then again, they ARE improving.

They only lost by 17 points now.

Which means, next time they might even threaten to lose by only a single digit.
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It was pretty impressive though, their match against FEU. They basically manhandled the taller team.

But for some reason, their big guys couldn't seem to match up to the smaller Archer squad.

Norman Black must be pretty pissed at how easily his protege Franz Pumaren outweaseled him.

Again.
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I realized this during the halftime cheering break.

Is Ateneo the only PEP squad that doesnt have scantily clad, leggy female cheerleaders cavorting all around the court? They instead have a squad of male pep squad members and another squad of little boys doing Mini-Mes of the first squad.

No wonder their players arent inspired.

Well... except of course, the Pep squad's target audience.
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I mean, they even replaced hottie Chinnie Canievel with whatshername.

Sigh. No more reason to watch ateneo games on TV.
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Im sure of this: They have the referees in their hip pockets.

There was one instance of an idiotic Ateneo player bumping into a stationary Junjun Cabatu (think tennis ball hitting a brick wall) . Guess what? The referee slapped a foul on Cabatu.

Then in the spirit of the moment, Ryan Arana suddenly dances to the beat of "Go Lasalle! Go Go Lasalle Lasalle"... The referees immediately slap a technical foul on him.

I mean, who else would get offended besides pro-Ateneo flunkies?
___________________

Anyway, theres still a chance for at least another Ateneo-Lasalle matchup. Im not sure, but if i do the math correctly, there are three possible matchups for the Final 4, depending on who wins in the DLSU-UE match.

If Lasalle wins vs UE by more than 2 points, the final 4 will be:
DLSU vs ADMU (DLSU with twice to beat advantage)
FEU vs UE (FEU with twice to beat advantage)

If Lasalle wins vs UE by only 1-2 points:
UE vs DLSU (UE with twice to beat advantage)
FEU vs ADMU (FEU with twice to beat advantage)

If DLSU loses to UE, the final 4 will be:
UE vs ADMU (UE with twice to beat advantage)
FEU vs DLSU (FEU with twice to beat advantage)

In these last two cases, DLSU and ADMU must beat FEU and UE respectively so that we could all enjoy another DLSU-ADMU championship matchup (and another DLSU Championship hehe)

Fun fun fun. Araneta still has a chance to make a killing. Wonder how the UE game will turn up :)

The End is Near (part 2)

The Fourth Sign: The Outsider

Last weekend, my stateside-based tito, tita and cousins visited us for a family reunion.

Showing the usual filipino style hospitality, our family offered to treat them to the best of our native delicacies.

Typically, pinoy cooking can be summed up as follows: The more cholesterol, the better. Roasted pork, molten sebo, deepfried parts, or basically anything that sizzles and crackles and your meal is good to go. Heck, even our veggie dishes are full of oil, meat or chicharon.

However, this post is not about the typical pinoy cooking.

For some reason, my Dad suddenly had a craving for something... exotic. Yes. Something more exotic than even balut (steamylicious aborted baby duck eaten in its shell) and dinuguan (chewy pork liver bits in blood stew)...

He craved sawa (python), bayawak (monitor lizard) and locust. Deep fried of course (Best with san miguel). And to my horror, my Tito agreed.

Thus we found ourselves on the way to Balaw Balaw restaurant in Angono, Rizal, the most famous source of these holy grails of Filipino food. Angono, by the way, is commonly called the Artist's town because of its colorful culture (not just Balaw balaw), and because a lot of Filipino National Artists took up residence there.

However, this post is not about the Balaw Balaw restaurant nor the quaint little town of Angono.

This post is about Jeepneys. Yep. The icons of Filipino ingeniuity, whose very drivers have transcended the limits of multi-tasking by not only texting while driving but also looking each passenger in the eye (via the rearview window), coordinating where each one should sit, counting change by the use of touch alone, and with his free hand, smoking out the window.

Of course, with everything else going on, something's gotta give. Jeepneys are absolutely the WORST drivers in the Philippines. They cut, they swerve, they stop and even go on reverse in the middle of the street with reckless abandon.

Sort of like a woman driver, but more aggress... Oh wait... Sort of Like a woman driver.

Anyway, this post is about how on the way to Angono, I finally saw a Jeep that actually signalled to switch lanes, and slowed down before stopping at the road's shoulder to pick up a passenger.

The end is near.

The End Is Near

Im sure of it. The signs are here.

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The First Sign: The Appearance of THE OTHERS....

The other day I was browsing through Friendster, and by some weird premonition, I decided to search my own name. Now, this is the first time I've ever done searching for my own name, and having a surname such as mine wherein its so obscure even Filipinos have difficulty pronouncing it, I expected to find my own profile smiling smugly at me.

To my surprise, Friendster came up with not one, but TWO people under my name!!! (try it!)

Que horror! Another Adrian out there... possibly wreaking havoc using my good name!!!

The next day, my friend Joy excitedly YM's me... (edited for GP viewing)

Joy: "I dont miss you that much anymore"
Me: "Eh?"
Joy: "One of my clients looks exactly like you!"
Me: "Thats... scary..." (of course at this time, I was thinking about the evil friendster clone)
Joy: "Yes. Scary isnt it? He even acts like you. Imagine that! An Adrian Clone."
Me: "...good lord. My evil twin has resurfaced!!!"

This news, coupled with the Friendster discovery suddenly turned my world upside down. I know some people have been praying for more people like me (yeah right haha)... but Adrian Clones? This is too much.

Oh, and if any of you see me sneaking into unscrupulous areas, flirting with your girlfriend, slamming your car with a sledgehammer, crashing into a private party or doing something otherwise incriminating... Remember: its that evil Twin!
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The Second Sign: The Truce Has Been Broken

For the past five years, I have been blatantly disobeying the stupid "Color Coding" law in Manila. For those unfamiliar with it, its a law here in the Philippines where cars are banned from the road once a week, depending on the last digit on their plate number (e.g. XXX001 is banned on mondays.) This initially lessened traffic, but as the years gone by, didnt actually help since anyone who could afford it just bought a second car. Now, they can't take it out anymore because once they do, the extra volume brought about by people owning more than one car (who would drive the extra car just because they suddenly can) would instantly clog Metro Manila's streets.

Anyway, for the past five years I have blatantly disobeyed this rule once, twice and even three times a week. And have never been caught.

Its uncanny. Whenever an MMDA officer looks my way, something extraordinary happens which causes the officer to look away again-- two cars suddenly crash into each other, some idiot would blare his horns, a jeepney would stop in the middle of the road, a sudden waft of air would lift a sexy pedestrian's skirt... Always, there is something that would happen to get their attention away from me.

Except last thursday.

For the first time in history, I got caught redhanded after some idiot in front of me chickened out of beating the red light, and got handed a ticket for violating the color coding law.

To celebrate of course, I slowly drove up to each MMDA outpost in my path, purposely baiting the eager sonsofbitches and then showing them the ticket with a "Gotcha! Someone beat you to it! Idiot!" smile to each one before stepping on the gas.

Fun... but still, the Truce has been broken.

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The Third Sign: History is Rewriting Itself

Imagine this: Early in the 14th century, years before Ferdinand Magellan circumnavigated the world or Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas, centuries before James Cook discovered Australia, a daring Chinese Emperor assembles a gigantic fleet of 800 ships to finally map out the ancient world and discover the continents that lay around him.

But then, an internal Chinese struggle ensues, which leads to a radical change in foreign policy. The maps of the ancient world are destroyed, and all captains logs burned to ashes. However, a single map makes its way to medieval Venice, moves silently to Portugal, to Spain and from there singlehandedly triggers the European Age of Discovery.

No, this isn't a Dan Brown Novel. This is 1421 (http://www.1421.tv), Gavin Menzies' earth-shaking discovery on how screwed up a history we have. I just finished reading it and was very amazed at how logical it was.

I've always thought it was impossible for the early European seafarers to actually achieve their "journeys of discovery." I mean, look at this: Magellan supposedly circumnavigated the world with only 5 ships. Columbus reached the Americas using three. Due to restrictions on supplies (freshwater, food, ammo...etc), health risks (Scurvy, beriberi...etc) , and crudeness of seafaring technologies, using so few ships on both of these journeys were one-shot deals and were actually suicidal... unless of course they already knew where they were going.

A few years ago Time ran an article (and its still available online!!) about Asia's greatest seafarers. Zheng He, the eunuch general who commanded China's entire fleet during that time. It detailed pretty much his flagships, some reaching the colossal sizes of 130m long and 30m wide, the cannon-toting destroyers that accompanied these behemoths and the self-sustaining supply ships that made sure the 30,000-strong navy would be able survive for months at a time. The article goes on to say Zheng He reached the African Continent and brought back the emperor various exotic animals as tribute. Not bad for a guy without balls.

Gavin's book goes a bit further. Much much further. He says Zheng He led another trip, a previously unchronicled and uncharted journey, much further than Africa in the hopes of "uniting the world in Confucian Harmony" (a stark contrast to how Christian conquerors slaughtered and enslaved the peoples they ran into)

Here's an excerpt from the book (first published in 2002):

"...On the 8th of March, 1421, the largest fleet the world had ever seen sailed from its base in China. The ships, huge junks nearly five hundred feet long and built from the finest teak, were under the command of Emperor Zhu Di's loyal eunuch admirals. Their mission was 'to proceed all the way to the end of the earth to collect tribute from the barbarians beyond the seas' and unite the whole world in Confucian harmony.

The journey would last over two years and circle the globe.

When they returned Zhu Di lost control and China was beginning its long, self-imposed isolation from the world it had so recently embraced. The great ships rotted at their moorings and the records of their journeys were destroyed. Lost was the knowledge that Chinese ships had reached America seventy years before Columbus and circumnavigated the globe a century before Magellan. They had also discovered Antarctica, reached Australia three hundred and fifty years before Cook and solved the problem of longitude three hundred years before the Europeans..."

It's interesting how Gavin Menzies pieced it all together. While writing about the history of the world in 1421, he stumbled onto an old Venetian map where islands were drawn when they could not possibly have been mapped by European cartographers before. This caused him to embark on a lifelong quest to find out about the ancient seafarers who actually trailblazed the way for future explorers such as Magellan, Columbus and Cook.

Of particular interest is on how advanced Chinese technology was during that time, which led to further strength in his theory that only China and her great fleets would be able to surpass all possible obstacles to surveying the world as we know it.

Here are more excerpts.

"China’s standing can be illustrated by a comparison with London that same month.

February 1421 was also one of the most important days in English history. By the Treaty of Troyes the Hundred Years War was to be brought to an end. The French heiress, Katherine of Valois, would marry the great English general, King Henry V, and be crowned Queen of England in Westminster Abbey. When the French King died, Henry and Katherine’s children eldest child would become monarch both of France and England, uniting the two countries. At the feast on 21st February 1421 to celebrate the coronation of Katherine as Queen of England, 600 guests ate stockfish - salt cod. Their plates were but slabs of stale bread.

In Beijing, 26,000 people celebrated the inauguration of the Forbidden City with a ten-course banquet served on fabulous porcelain. Zhu Di’s favourite concubine was clothed in sumptuous silk. Her jewels included cornelians from Persia, rubies of Ceylon, Indian diamonds and khotan jade; her perfume contained ambergris from the Pacific, myrrh from Arabia, sandalwood from the Spice Islands – its composition much like the most expensive perfumes of today. Zhu Di’s walled city was more than 1400 times the size of the walled City of London.

The disparity in learning, knowledge and literacy was equally profound. In 1405 AD Zhu Di had commissioned 2,000 experts who had worked for 12 years; they could refer to six centuries of written wisdom. At last they had completed the Yongle
Dadian, a massive encyclopaedia. In Henry V’s England, printing was as yet unknown; Henry possessed six books of which three were on loan from the Nunnery of Syon House, whereas in China concubines could buy printed novels from market stalls.

England had no knowledge of the heavens. Chinese astronomers every evening charted over 1,000 stars traversing the night sky. They had predicted and noted the return of Halley’s Comet on every pass since the year 200 BC.

In June 1421 England’s King Henry would ferry his army of 5,000 archers to France in a few fishing smacks which could only carry 100 men and could only make the journey in daylight within sight of land.

That same June, Zhu Di's army of 28,000 men landed in East Africa. The Chinese cavalry was armed with every sort of gunpowder weapon. A contest between China and all the world’s navies combined would have resembled that between a shark and a sprat...."

Gavin's book traces the journey the great fleet of 1421 made. He makes note of how the ancient Chinese sailed in gargantuan ships whose very rudders were much taller than Columbus' largest ships, how they mapped out the continents, figured out how to compute latitude and longitude (you need some sailing background to understand this though) and circumnavigated the world, as well as how the crafty Portugese were able to get their hands on the ancient Chinese maps and use them to pave the way for a western-dominated society.

Now, we're slowly seeing the great giant of China wake up again from its long slumber. They lost history to the West... Will they start taking it back again?

...to be continued

Breaking News!!!

The Ateneo community finally joins in the calls for resignation.

A major Ateneo-led rally, led by popular celebrities such as Dick Gordon and Gary Lising, is slated for EDSA tomorrow in a united call.... Norman Resign!! :)

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Dont you just love the UAAP season? hehe

Sorry guys, havent blogged in a while. Will be posting more regularly once i have the time.

Star Wars in 15 minutes :)

Opening Credits:

A long long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away...

War! The prequels are crumbling under attacks of ruthless movie critics. They are zeroes on both flicks. The scripts are sucking everywhere.

In a stunning move, the great Director George Lucas,is planning to sew up the plot holes and kill off any characters that will never be seen in Episode 4.

As the intro goes on, two JEdi knights lead an action packed desperate mission to rescue the Star Wars series...

Opening Scene:
*Lots of action. In any case, the less Anakin talks, the better the scene*
Anakin and Obi-Wan are leading the Republic forces in an all out space battle. For some reason, Anakin does all the dirty work and Obi-wan looks like a total loser. But then they still make it to battleship carrying the hostage Palpatine.

Scene 2: Landing at the Battleship
Anakin and Obi-Wan land in the Trade Federation cruiser’s landing dock and enter the cruiser.
Obi wan: *Kills droids*
Anakin: *Kills more droids* Hmm.. I sense Count Dooku.
Obi Wan: I sense a trap... but then again that never stopped us before. Lets spring it!
Anakin: Ugh. Oh, R2. Take this comlink, which will mean you'll be absolutely defenseless if you hold this. And... Oh yeah stay here and guard the ship.
R2: Beeps. (subtitle: Oh shit...)

Scene 3: The Bridge
Grievous: Cough cough. What's the situation, Captain?
Captain: TWO Jedi have landed in the main hangar bay.
Grievous: Cough cough. Excellent. Just as Dooku predicted. Hand me my Turbohaler.

Scene 4: Hangar again
Anakin and Obi Wan fight their way through the battle cruiser.

R2: *Hides from big overgrown battle droids*

Obi wan and Anakin rush through the ship and kill more droids.

R2: *Cant hide from big overgrown battle droids*
Super battle droids: Come here you little bastard!
R2: *Pisses on battle droids*
Super battle droids: *Slips on the piss*
R2: *Beeps* (Subtitle: "Eat my dust, dust eaters") *turns on afterburners and runs away*
Super battle droids: *Burns up. Eats R2s dust*

Scene 5: Palpatine's Quarters
OB Wan: (bows) Chancellor.
Anakin: Are you all right?
Palpatine: Count Dooku. *Dooku Enters*
Get help! You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.
Obi Wan: Bah. Sith Lords are our specialty.
Anakin: Uh, Master, dont we get our ass kicked by the Sith each time?

*Lamest fight scene in prequel history ensues. Obi Wan DOES get his ass kicked and flops around like a rag doll. Anakin manages to slice off Dooku's hands*

Dooku: Oh shit.
Palpatine: Kill him.
Dooku: *Makes goo goo eyes*
Anakin: I cant! He's so cute...
Palpatine: Kill him!
Dooku: *Bats eyelashes*
Anakin: I cant! He's making me all warm and fuzzy inside...
Palpatine: Kill him!!!
Anakin: Ok. *Lops off Dooku's head*
Palpatine: See? That wasnt so bad. Doesnt it feel great?
Anakin: What do you want me to say? "Are you not entertained?!"

*Goes towards Ob wan. Background: Ship is exploding*

Anakin: Oh shit. Now I have to carry him through half the ship!
Palpatine: Leave him. We dont have time.
Anakin: No. His fate is the same as ours...
Palpatine:... Oh yeah. Sorry. I forgot. WE WILL ALL APPEAR in the next TRILOGY.
*Anakin picks up OB wan like a rag doll*

Scene 6: Various shots throughout the ship.
Ship parts keep exploding and Anakin and Palpatine run towards the hangar bay. Obi wan is still a rag doll.

Scene 7: The trap
Droid flunkie: We found them! Theyre in hallway 328.
Grievous: Activate Time space warp.
Droid Flunkie: Ngayon din!
Suddenly Time Space warp surrounds the Jedi.

Voice Over: Ang time space warp ay...
George Lucas: Shut that thing up.
Voice over: Sorry.

Back to the Jedi...

Anakin: Arrgh! The Time Space Warp! Oldest trick in the book!
Obi Wan: Damn.
Anakin: Oh well. R2 will save our butts yet again anyway. See?
R2 comes running in.
Anakin: See? No problem.
R2: *Beeps* (Subtitle: You think you got problems?)
Battledroids storm the room and kick R2 down.
Obi Wan: Oh shit.

Scene 8: The bridge
Grievous: Ah. Obi wan, that wasnt much of a rescue. And Anakin. I thought you'd be much older.
Anakin: Screw you. You're much uglier than i expected.
Grievous: Jedi Scum! Your lightsabers will make a fine addition to my collection (Shows a host of different lightsabers that will make Carmen Electra proud)
Obi Wan: Bastard! I wont let you take our lightsabers!
The jedi suddenly break free with R2's help. They start killing the droids while Grievous looks on.
Grievous: You lose Obi Wan! *Faces Obi Wan*
Pilot: Uh, General, the ship is exploding. And you dont have any more turbohalers...
Grievous: Damn. I gotta go. *Throws his staff at the glass window. It shatters and sucks everything out to space. Everything just breaks into total chaos.
And yeah, Grievous manages to crawl back to the ship and escape through a pod.*

Scene 9: Bridge
*Ship stabilizes a bit and the Jedi wipe out the remaining droids. They look out and see the ship crashing into a planet.*
Anakin: Great. All the escape pods are gone.
Obi Wan: Can you fly this thing?
Anakin: I have to. Otherwise, we cant appear in the next trilogy.
Obi Wan: Thats a relief.
Anakin: *Miraculously saves the day by crashlanding a 200-ton battleship into a runway the size of a sidestreet*

Scene 10: The landing
Everyone applauds the Jedi and the chancellor as they approach.
Crowd: Wooohoo!
Anakin: Are you coming master?
Obi Wan: Nah. You go. You're the Jedi poster boy. And I've enough of theatrics after Moulin Rouge.
Anakin: Okay. *Walks around. Padme Appears*
Padme: Anakin!
Anakin: Padme! *Tries to kiss her*
Padme: Oooh. Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Anakin: It HAS been five months. Lets do it here!
Padme: We cant do it here. People shouldnt see us. Its a GP movie.
Anakin: Damn. Hmm... somethings different.
Padme: Im pregnant.
Anakin: *Stunned silence*
Padme: You're the father.
Anakin: Whew. Okay. Wow. Im so happy all of a sudden.
Padme: But anakin, what do we do?
Anakin: Dont worry. I'm sure me getting kicked out of the Jedi order and you being expelled from the Senate if anyone gets word of this wont be so bad.
Padme: Oh Anakin! Thats the sweetest thing I ever heard... *Hug, kiss, lapdance*

Scene 11: Some Conference Room
Darth sidius: Send the Separatist leaders to Mustafar.
Grievous: *Cough Cough* As you wish. And the death of Dooku?
Darth Sidius: A necessary loss. I have a much much more powerful apprentice in the making.
Audience: DARTH VADER!!!
Darth Sidius: Shhh. Anyway, go to Utapau. That should be good for your asthma.
Grievous: *Cough Cough* Thank you.

Scene 12: Padme's Apartments
Padme: *Sappy and Cheesy lines* Its only because Im so in love...
Anakin: *Sappy and Cheesy lines* No, its because IM so in love...
Audience member: Parang pinoy telenovelaaaah!

Scene 13: The dream
Anakin: Arrrgghh!!
Padme: What is it?
Anakin: Im dreaming the same nightmares I did when my mommy died.
Padme: Whats the difference?
Anakin: *Woody acting* You were in it. You die in childbirth.
Padme: *Gasp!* Should we tell Obi Wan?
Anakin: No. Lets not. I'll find a way to save you from my nightmare.
Padme: Tried Valium?

Scene 14: Talking with Yoda
Yoda: Hmm... Close to you, someone is. Dead she will be?
Anakin: Er, not exactly, but yeah...
Yoda: If die she must, then die she will.
Anakin: You're not helping yoda.
Yoda: Mourn them do not, miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. Jealousy leads to greed. Greed leads to... Something... Something leads to fear. Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. Anger leads to... THE DARK SIDE.
Anakin: My heads starting to hurt master yoda... Everything seems to lead to the dark side.

Scene 15: Jedi Temple
Obi wan: The war is going well, but today, the senate will give the Chancellor the ability to declare martial law.
Anakin: So whats wrong?
Obi Wan: Be careful of your friend.
Anakin: Just because he asked me to kill an unarmed, pun unintended, Dooku doesnt mean he's a bad guy.

Obi wan: He has requested your presence. Its very unusual. In case you noticed, the relatons between the Jedi and the Chancellor are very stressed.
Anakin: Why the distrust. Where is the love?
Obi Wan: The force grows dark Anakin. Be wary of your feelings.

Scene 16: Palpatine and Anakin
Palpatine: This afternoon, the senate will ask me to take direct control of the Jedi Council.
Anakin: They wont report to the senate?
Palpatine: The will report to me. Personally.
Anakin: They wont like it. Anyway, I trust you because I know you're a really good guy who has the republic's best interests in mind.
Palpatine: Of course. I want you to do something, by the way.
Anakin: Yes?
Palpatine: I want you to be my spy there. You shall represent me in the Jedi Council.
Anakin: You mean I get to be the Jedi Master just like Master Yoda and Mace Windu??! Cool

Scene 17: The Jedi Council
Mace: We appoint you as part of the council... But not as a Jedi Master.
Anakin: WTF??!! Im part of a council but not a Jedi Master? What am I then? Chopped Liver?
Mace: Take a seat, young Skywalker!
Anakin: Sorry master.
Yoda: Under attack Wookie land is. Relations with Wookies I have. Liberate them I will.
Obi Wan: He is right! We can't afford to lose Wookieland or Chewbacca cant appear in the next sequel. I'll go after Grievous.
Mace: Its decided then. Yoda goes to wookieland, Obi Wan goes after Grievous, and Anakin... well, you stay here.
Anakin: ...

Scene 18: Anakin and Obi wan are talking
Anakin: WTF was that all about? I'm the greatest Jedi that ever lived, but not only am I not a Master, but im forced to stay here while you guys have all the action. I tell you, yoda's getting to be a real Pointy-haired boss!
Obiwan: Thats office politics for you. Anyway, I have a task for you.
Anakin: ...this sounds familiar.
Obi Wan: We want you to spy on the Chancellor.

Scene 19: Padme's residence
Anakin: *light banter*
Padme: I heard about your new role Anakin. Im so proud of you.
Anakin: I may be on the council... but im not yet a master. They still treat me as if I were a Padawan learner...
Padme: Anakin...
Anakin: Im starting not to like the Jedi...
Padme: Have you considered we may be on the wrong side? What if the Republic's become evil...?
Anakin: Nah. There is no way that Palpatine could be bad.
Padme: Oh Anakin! Thats the sweetest thing I ever heard... *Hug, kiss, lapdance*


Scene 20: Palpatine watching a movie
Anakin: You wanted to see me Chancellor?
Palpatine: Yes. I have good news. We found out where Grievous is hiding!
Anakin: Great! Now to capture him...
Palpatine: Wait. Tell me. Did the jedi want you to betray me?
Anakin: ...
Palpatine: They asked you to spy on me right?
Anakin: ...
Palpatine: Do you still think the Jedi are good.
Anakin: ...Jedi are good. Sith bad.
Palpatine: Good is a point of view. the Sith and Jedi are the same. They believe in security and justice. Only, the Sith are stronger because of the Dark side. Does that make them... bad?
Anakin: Head hurts... Dark Side... cannot be good.
Palpatine: The Dark side can save people from dying. There was one Sith Lord who mastered this art.
Anakin: He can save people from death?
Palpatine: The dark side of the force is a pathway to many powers... Good powers.
Anakin: Yes. That cant be bad... Where can I learn that?
Palpatine: Not from a Jedi.

Scene 21: Jedi Council
Anakin: Grievous is in Utapau.
Yoda: Act on this, we must.
Anakin: The Chancellor requested I lead the attack.
Mace windu: *Peeved* The council will make up its own mind on who to go.
Yoda: A master is needed, with more experience.
Mace: Lets send Obi wan
Anakin: But Dooku and Grievous kicked his ass the last time...
Obi Wan: *snarl*
Yoda: Obi wan, my choice is.
Anakin: *Pissed*

Scene 22: Wookieland
The wookies engage the Droid separatists. Great action follows.
In the meantime, Obi wan drops by Padme's Apartment, after which Anakin see's Obi Wan off to Utapau. Anakin checks on Padme once he gets back.

Scene 23: Utapau
Obi Wan lands his ship and the local chief Tion Medon greets him.
Tion Medon: Greetings young Jedi. What brings you to our obviously peaceful and happy planet?
Obi Wan: Im looking for Grievous.
Tion Medon: *whisper* He's up there. 10th floor. Thousands of battle droids... but you can take on him on your own.
Obi Wan: *whispers* Thanks for the info. Tell your people to hide.

*Obi Wan hides. The ship takes off on autopilot. Enemy spies think he's gone and go back to normal. Meanwhile Obi wan creeps around the place on a weird lizard thingie. He finds Grievous, who is coincidentally surrounded by a gazillion droids and suddenly jumps down on him.*

Obi Wan: Hello there!
Grievous: You got balls kenobi! Get him droids!
Obi Wan: *Kills droids*
Grievous: Enough of this! *Faces obi wan*
Obi Wan: *Kills more droids*
Grievous: Back Away. His ass is mine!
Obi wAn: Your move.

Grievous uncovers his cloak and shows FOUR light sabers! He twirls them around and attacks Obi Wan. Kick-ass light saber battle ensues.
Obi Wan cuts of hand after hand of General Grievous until the Clone troops jump in and kill more droids.

Grievous: No fair! You were never this good before this scene!
Obi Wan: Ha! I only suck when Anakin's around!
Grievous: Damn. I have to get away from him...
Grievous then beats a hasty retreat. Obi Wan follows on his weird lizard but drops his light saber.

Scene 24: Palpatine's Office:
Anakin: Chancellor, we just received a report that Obi Wan is actually kicking Grievous' Ass.
Palpatine: You should be there. But they dont trust you. The Force is too strong in you.
Anakin: How do you know this?
Palpatine: I know the ways of the force. Both Sides.
Anakin: *Gasp*
Palpatine: The dark side ain't that bad you know...
Anakin: *Gasp*
Palpatine: In case you still havent noticed, I'm Darth Sidius.
Anakin: OMG! You're a Sith Lord! I'll turn you over!
Palpatine: Remember I have the power to save Padme...
Anakin: Arrgghh! Indecision... Head hurts... *Leaves*

*In the meantime, Obi Wan is chasing down General Grievous. For some weird reason, his four legged dragon somehow outran the high-speed mono-cycle Grievous was using.
Since both dont have light sabers, they engage in hand to hand combat. Grievous of course is harder than Obi wan, but Obi learns that only after he tries kicking Grievous. After a couple more bouts of pain, he decides to use a laser pistol he found lying on the ground to fire at Grievous' unprotected lung. Grievous dies.*

Scene 25: Mace Windu's office
Anakin: Master Windu. I just discovered the Chancellor is a sith lord!
Windu: A sith lord?!
Anakin: The one we've been looking for.
Windu: Then we have to go. Quickly.
Anakin: Lets go.
Windu: Dont get involved.

*Mace Windu grabs 3 jedi flunkies and prepare to arrest Palpatine*

Windu: In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you are under arrest Palpatine.
Palpatine: I dare you.
Windu: *ignites light saber*
3 jedi flunkies: *ignite light sabers*
Palapatine: *ignites light saber. Attacks.*
3 Jedi Flunkies: *Die*
Mace and Palpatine have a helluva battle. Finally, Mace corners Palpatine.
Mace: I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? *Holds Palpatine at Light Saber Point*

Anakin Enters.

Palpatine: Anakin! Help me!
Mace Windu: Dont look at him.
Palpatine: *Makes goo goo eyes*
Anakin: Dont Kill him mace!
Mace: He's too dangerous to be kept alive! I said, don't look at him!!
Palpatine: *Bats eyelashes* Save me Anakin!
Anakin: Argh. Head hurts... Warm fuzzy feeling again... *Suddenly slices Mace windu's hands*
Mace: WTF??!
Palpatine: *Fries Mace windu and he flies out the window and falls down to his death*
Anakin: Oh shit. What have I done?!
Palpatine: No turning back now kiddo.
Anakin: Ok. *kneels* I pledge alliance to the Sith. And, uh, help me save Padme OK?
Palpatine: Rise, Darth Vader.
*Yoda is seen having a heart attack*

Scene 26: Chancellors office
Palpatine: Now for the fun part. We will terminate all Jedi that do not appear in the next Trilogy.
Anakin: Agreed.
Palpatine: First, we massacre the jedi in the Jedi temple. NExt we'll activate a secret order I gave to all clone troops that will make them turn against any Jedi Master they're currently working with.
Anakin: Ok. I'll start with the Jedi temple...

Scene 27: Various Cutscenes
Palpatine gives the order to all his clone troops. They shoot all jedi except Yoda and Obi Wan point blank at the back.

Sample scene: Jedi Knight with a horde of Clone Troops

Jedi: Get behind me!!! I shall concentrate all my powers on the enemy, so make sure nobody fires at me from the blind spot at my back.

Clone troops: Yes sir! *Gets behind the Jedi*

Jedi: *Makes sure everyone is behind him* Lets go!!!

Palpatine's voice: Execute Order 66

Clone troops: *Concentrated fire at Jedi*

Jedi: WTf??!!! *Dies*

Obi Wan is fired with a rocket launcher and falls into a lake, but survives.
Yoda, barely surviving a series of heart attacks still gets to kick the asses of his assassins. The wookies help yoda escape by letting him piggyback on one of them.
zooms in on a wookie.
Audience: Its Chewbacccaaaaaa!!!
Yoda: Goodbye Chewbacca and Tarrful. Miss you I will.
Chewbacca: *Barks* (Subtitle:

Hard to Tell, What make of this movie, To

Just watched Star Wars episode 3 last night...

Im still making up my mind about how I found it, but a friend and I were discussing how the Prequels had been too, shall we say, limited.

The world of Star Wars could have been expounded so much more had George Lucas NOT concentrated on Darth Vader's ascent to power. I mean, he did make it clear that the prequels would be all about Darth Vader right?

What if he stepped back and made something similar to the "Animatrix" or some non-Darth Vader related prequels. What would these look like?

Here are some of the titles of the Star Wars titles (or at least ideas) that could have been part of the prequels (not all are GP-rated hehe) :

* Idea: Chronicles of Yoda (this would be a full-blown series hehe)

* Sith Happens
Hmmm... How many Sith Lords are there... really? There were like 2 sith lords vs. tons of jedi in all the prequels...

* The Bikini-clad women in the life of Jabba the Hut --- A documentary

* The Jedi Night Scandal: The Younglings bare it all

* Shaggy, the Groovy Wookie Jedi (Or something like an Austin Powers Jedi Knight)

* Idea: The Swashbuckling adventures of Han Solo (And Chewy)

* Kama Sithra - (1001 enjoyable ways to use the Dark Side of the Force)

* Idea: The exploits of Mace Windu (he looked really cool, but I expected more action and killer lines from Samuel L. Jackson)

______________________

Oh yeah... I compared it with my "spoof" here:
http://soloflite.blogspot.com/2005/05/secret-script-of-star-wars-episode.html

I got some things right :)
1. Chewbacca DID have a cameo
2. Anakin was jealous of other Jedi's "lightsabers"
3. Anakin did use a Blue light saber even as Darth Vader
4. Anakin wasted Mace Windu
5. Padme didnt wear a bikini (darn!)
6. Darth Vader went "Nooooooooo!" in the ending

the main difference I guess was at least in MY version, it was easy to understand why Anakin scorned the Jedi and turned to the Sith :)

Singapore, singapore!

First of all, apologies to everyone for being such a delinquent blogger. I noticed my Palawan post (see next post) was gathering cobwebs already while my Singaporean mishaps were as of yet unchronicled. Really busy lately has been my perpertual excuse, but tonight, I write uninhibited once again... (yeah yeah, i still have the "To be continued" line at the end of each post. Ugh)

I went to a mandatory 4-day training class in singapore last week, and with me feeling the need for a break, I decided to extend my stay there by a weekend (and the monday) before the training.
___________________

Day One

I bunked in that Saturday with longtime partner-in-crime Lifebunny (of Its Raining Men fame) in his spacious Flat at Parc Oasis.

See some of our misadventures (through his eyes) here.

I got there via the MRT within Changi airport. Thats right. The MRT INSIDE CHANGI AIRPORT. I've been to Singapore a few times before and never noticed it. Actually, it was because not too many people seemed to use it to get out of the airport. It was located in a dimly lit floor with so few people wandering around it made me wonder if I was unconsciously sneaking into yet another restricted area.

Anyway, after a horrendously delayed flight that caused me to miss most of what I planned to do the first afternoon, asickening airline meal that made me more hungry than satiated, and a long MRT ride where I gave up my seat to an old Singaporean lady, Lifebunny easily convinced me to relax have dinner at Hooters Singapore (for those unfamiliar with this place, its a popular American sports bar with well-endowed waitresses in halter tops and short skirts, which has absolutely nothing to do with why big rowdy crowds gather there or why we chose that particular sports bar)

On the way, like the typical Pinoys out of their country, we started bashing the local culture (see his version here) or talking about how Pinoys could easily get around Singapore's strict laws and security (case in point: The MRT inside Changi could be the perfect smugglers route for unsavory characters who might want to steal airline luggage or how easy it would be to sneak into the MRT without a card.)

One of the funniest things we discussed was how they pronounce FILM (as in movie) as FLIM. Once, lifebunny was asked by his colleagues if he wanted to watch a FLIM and he was like "WTF is a FLIM?" It took him a while to figure out that it really meant "FILM".

Funny thing is, he wrote FILM down on a piece of paper and asked a local to read it. "FILM" the aforementioned local said. Apparently they read it as FILM, but use it as FLIM in their daily life. Hehe wonder if they got MLIK?

We also talked about how there were so much more pretty girls in Manila than in singapore. The difference mainly is that in singapore (overall) girls tend to dress better and have slimmer and nicer bodies (Hipon anyone?). Otherwise, a popular joke goes "What do you call a
pretty girl in Singapore? A tourist." Sigh. I suddenly missed manila.

Disclaimer: There ARE pretty girls in singapore. I met some of them in my trip hehe

Singaporeans pronounce Hooters as Hooties, he explained (later on I found out it was a joke.) But at the back of my mind I was thinking (with great disappointment) they might be implying small hooters.

Anyway, we got to Clarke Quay (where the aforementioned hooters was located) before any more Singaporeans died of a thousand verbal stillettos on their backs. Clarke Quay at that time was effectively dead. And it was 10:30 pm on a Saturday night. The only obvious activity in the area were foreigners walking around and the "Reverse Bungee" ride where you creep into the
rubber end of giant-sized "Tirador" and get whisked up and down at full Tirador speed. Hooters was the only place that had people coming and going in though, so we stuck with our plan.

I was right. Mini hooties. But then, we didnt go there for the girls, we went for the beer, Lifebunny reminded me again. As a background, the payment for staying in his flat was a couple of beers each night.

We scanned the menu and ended up ordering the 20-piece chicken wings package (the only stuff I could afford without slitting my wrists) and a bucket of Coronas. Beer here was S$10 a bottle... roughly 330 pesos (around 10-20 times more expensive than in manila). We toasted to more Beer Money (This is the most culturally accurate way of computing how much money you're making: How much beer can you buy with your monthly salary? Apparently in Manila, I make more Beer Money than he does in Singapore hehe) for all of us.

The discussion went from work to life, to the reasons why Lifebunny left Manila to go to singapore. I lamented about the number of friends that keep migrating out of Manila and a lot of other things. We toasted to making more money and getting better jobs.

We talked about how we got the jobs we wanted right after graduation even though we were the worst slackers in our block (so to speak hehe. We had the tendency to be the Bad Influences on our studious friends, consistently advocating cut classes and never took notes in class) and about college friends who were at the top of their class, but didnt get the breaks and who are now terribly disappointed with the real world.

We toasted to Slackers and Naturally Gifted people like us who never set ourselves up for a letdown in the real world.

Well, except for our Hooters expectations. There was a sort-of-show where some of the scantily clad waitressess did hula hoops in front of some drunken patrons (meaning- not us)... not exactly as entertaining as you might expect. And the last call for drinks as only 1:30 am! Talk about boring. Thus ends the forced early night back to Chateau Lifebunny...

To be continued...